Saturday, September 7, 2013

Foodies...I present the  Ritz cracker, peanut butter and almond bark.    Easy to make.  You cannot eat just one, unless you are allergic to peanuts or something. If you are allergic to peanuts, this would not be the worst last snack you ever have.




Oh Yeah, Foodies.    Oh Yeah.


The plight of the millions of starving bloggers is reaching epic proportions.  I shall be the champion for these harmless creatures of the wild.

For mobile devices that the videos don't show up in. go to my YOUTUBE channel here

--Mark Burkenbine

All Things Burkenbine     A creative Blogging network
What would all this be without a sound track
Every time I drive away
reminds me of why I want to stay
I can't wait          I can't wait
to turn around     and come on home

Every time I drive away
reminds me of why I want to stay
with you       I can't wait
to turn around and share our home

Leaving is easy
when you are looking down the road
to new and brighter days

It's always hard
to retrace your trail
when life reminds you of darker stays

It makes you look into the eyes
of the ones you hurt
along your  lonely unguided ways

Turns out staying is easy
when you find out what you want and need

The road ahead now calmly waits
the price to pay- for life this way
is the toll for the road I let leed

and facing the music and making amends
to the family and friends who once believed

Everyone has to pay the toll
for rolling down this road
Turns out staying is easy, when you find what you need

Every time I drive away
reminds me of why I want to stay
I can't wait
to turn around
and come on home

Every time I drive away
reminds me of why I want to stay
with you
I can't wait
to come on home

Originally published on the blog   What would this be without a song
Owned and written by Mark Burkenbine, Copyright September 7 2013

Friday, September 6, 2013

For my kids

Full life. Full time mistake maker. No complaints.

Work day and night to improve yourself. Don't hurt anyone on purpose. Hopefully, if you don't do too many things that will get you killed, you may get lucky enough to figure life out. There is always time to dig out of  your hole...or there isn't.

We all make mistakes. Learn from them, better yet, figure out what they are. Most people don't see what the mistakes or opportunities are.  Don't put yourself in BAD situations. Be around good people who do good things, and amazing things can happen.

It is not a magic formula.

Try to fix your problems. Try to help others. Listen.

You can screw up an awful lot in life and still be alive.

Drama really isn't necessary, but people do what people do.  I suggest you learn to like watching everyone's quirks and enjoy the characters of your life.

Think for yourself. Cattle get slaughtered. Do what you love. If that doesn't work, do it differently.  Improve. Risk is rewarded- get up if you fall.

You can try and fail almost everything in the world, except cliff diving. ( thank you Norm MacDonald). Most business efforts are NOT cliff diving. Being broke is not the end of the world. It is amazing how bad things can get, and you still wake up the next day. Smile at those new days. That is opportunity number 1, happening over and over again.


and before you are gone, make sure your kids know what you believe in.



Mark Burkenbine



  You didn't really think blogging was all I was ever going to do , did you?   If the lights go off, I can't finish this thing.   I took a few stabs at selling some ideas and got the expected results.   I do not like starving artists, and I have played one before. It doesn't work well.  You know what works well? Success works well.   Success brings you more success.    So here we go again..If the plan doesn't work, fix it. At least I got a lot done.  This Reality Blography Network thing is coming together and still has plenty of twists to the story and construction left.

Then I can finish the darn book and hopefully get my recreation center idea built.


Who Knew? (title added ten years after first posted)

It's Lunch Hour on Friday and you are looking forward to the weekend. I like a sandwich for lunch.

May I suggest a chicken and egg sandwich. Why do we not eat those as a combination?

In our paranoid world, where anyone can get sued for anything, how does the bird problem get overlooked?

We raise as  cattle birds that were once dinosaurs. Have you ever looked at a bird? They are killing machines if they want to be.

One day , those damn birds will mutate and wipe us out. Everyday, on some chicken farm, they are pumping them with new steroid to make them bigger and grow faster.

Eat chicken and eggs together.  Get them before they get us.

Maybe it's just me.


Enjoy lunch.

---Mark Burkenbine
Editors Note:  Ten years later.  Holy crap, Klaus.  It was light creative writing. 
Most of the happenings seem to be going on in the page links to your right. It is like they are making an entire world in there. (sometimes, I think I hear swearing...LOUD NOISES LOUD NOISES...)  I can hear the heavy machinery going til all hours of the night.

Supposedly, those pages are dreams, possibilities, and real experiences.  It may get kind of fuzzy on which is which.  Did I just read there may even be music?   Jeez , this is almost like some kind of production...

I sometimes wish it wasn't being done in my name, but it seemed the only way. It is a real story. It really is a race...but enough of that.    This should probably be a post for I Quirk-ed.

 I hope....I really am a writer.

Welcome to my web----Mark Burkenbine
New Post at I Quirk-ed. Take a flashlight and be careful of what is in there.  It is not all giggles and sunshine.



Thursday, September 5, 2013

Hang a left at about the author, use the right lane for bowling, brew and blogs....there has been an accident at All Terrain Bowling...

Temporary templates up on the other blogs. Content added in I Quirk-ed, Reese, Marrying Amy, Tournament in 50 States, Bowling Brew and Blogs, and probably a few more.

 Man, when I dive in, I really dive in. Pretty soon I will have to do a real traffic report to maneuver this little world.   Lists for my lists.

Enjoy the chaos, it will all get clearer soon. 


Mark Burkenbine
Eh.....a look into mine.  Today I am opening up the portal into my little world.  It may or not be interesting to you, hell, it may be financial suicide for me.  Wait....I just remembered. I am broke. What is there to lose?   Besides, it is only a tragedy if it fails, right? Wrong. It is only a tragedy if someone dies not giving their best shot.  I have never given my best shot to anything, and I would kind of like to put that into practice before  I die or something.   A mans kids have the right to know their dad may be an idiot, but he fought for what he believed in.

What do you believe in?    Honesty, and a good story  are what I believe in.

If you look on the page links to the right of your screen you will see  MANY new blogs that will be set up over the course of the month.

The All Things Burkenbine , (Mark Burkenbine) blog is the portal to this reality/fantasy blogging network.     I guess that  makes me the central character.  Nowhere to hide. I let life ride me for a little to long, and this is my attempt to ride life.

-The goal is to  get out of debt, and gain financial freedom as best and quickly as possible.
-Marry Amy  and have enough money to make sure I can care for her well , without government assistance. .
-Start an organization to help other people use their own skills and tools to get out of whatever hole they may be in.
of course, have something to leave for the kids
....all while being myself.

I am not good at being someone else.

Lofty expectations, but hey....Why the heck not?    Seriously, what can one lose?

Thanks for your time---Mark Burkenbine


Goooood Morning everybody.

 I originally was going to call this blog Pen to Rest. Maybe i'd pick up hits from mistypes of Pinterest.com and hope thousands of people would be happy with there mistake. Then I found out there was a song of the same title.

So here we are... The other reason for Pen to rest, was to tie in with a ritual I have.

Every night and morning I tend to write something down. Writing is kind of a laxative of the brain for me, and apparently I share this affliction with hundreds of thousands of other bloggers. The people of the world have obviously been suffering from a form of Mental Constipation for centuries.

Type in BLOG on your search bar and google will explode with all the listings. Blog hosting is where the money must be. So many have the mental constipation that Bloghosting sites have acted as a mental toilet for the brain. A place where we can put this crap so we can sleep soundly.

This is a blog, which means I did not research just how many bloggers there are. Based on the Google search explosion I witnessed,its maybe a million plus.(editors note--181 million) -Which means the blogging septic tank will begin to leak as it reaches critical mass. The blog hosting sites will get in trouble for illegal dumping. Big Government will have to step in and sick the EPA on the blog hosting sites. New regulations will ensue.

Prices for the Blog septic service will rise as the market shrinks and then the rich and powerful top 1% of bloggers will have cornered the market...the rich and powerful with there Quality and proper grammer and punctuation;and blogs that don't stink, and have no risk in violating EPA standards.

One day, we the downtrodden might all have to go back to keeping this crap inside.

I hope you found this nugget, this mental corn, at least somewhat entertaining.

Thank you for your time , Mark Burkenbine

repost of  Finally...Movement. The first installment of this blog.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Hi.  To the non-bowlers, sorry if the bowlers monopolized your viewing for the evening.  I have been a bowler for forty years, and I hope this doesn't change things.

Baby, don't go.
You know it's you I love.    I mean , I love you both, but the bowlers haven't been so kind to me , and I enjoy conversation about other things.  I like to settle down and type up a nice blog post about politics or music, maybe dinner.

 The  reactions between bowlers and non bowlers and  Republicans and Democrats are similar.   Try doing something different in the bowling business  and you are liable to guess very accurately the offended parties political leanings based on the reactions.   Very much Water and Oil.    That ship seems to sail a very predetermined course regardless of  the weather pattern in front of it.

Non-Bowlers....tomorrow I will whine and dine you ( yes I know I spelled wine incorrectly) with completely fictional accounts, jokes at my own expense, and dazzling wit.  Hmm...that may be promising a better performance than has been given thus far.


Non Bowlers, Please Don't Go. Baby, you know I luv you.......

Damn!  


You can take the boy out of the alley, but you can't take the alley out of the boy.

Who luvs ya, baby....who luvs ya?
--Mark Burkenbine


Bowling Pins are the natural enemy of bowlers.

A top professional player leaves a solid ten pin....cut to the pin deck, the pins are mumbling about they just cannot take this anymore.  Put out the message to the Lead Head Pin.

A (noted professional player) goes to launch a ball at a solid 10 pin, and turns around and 10 giant pins charge and tackle him.

A series of newspaper, television and various media news clips about top bowling professionals disappearing. Kidnapped ? ...  Whereabouts unknown.

Cut to a rumbling noise in a dark home.( A noted player) rubs his eyes as his bedroom door opens.  10 pin shaped silhouettes enter and rumble clumsily across the room and struggle to get the player into a duffle bag .   They drag or carry the bag, noisily to an old beat up vehicle, bouncing and clanging into the night....

Each time the players are abducted, they are thrown into a store room at  The  Old Abandoned Center.

This kidnapping happens in various ways til there are ten players missing.   ( show glimpes of a ten pin triangle filling up)

The lead head laughing , is about to throw a ball at the ten players standing in the triangle.

Just before he lets go, the door flies open, and the Top Senior tour players are here to save the day......



I hope you enjoyed this story.  I have many ways I can present it. It would make a great television or print series , or comic book for the youth bowlers.   I can continue this series for as long as needed.

Thank you for your time, Mark Burkenbine.

This work is owned by Mark Burkenbine and is copyright as of publication on September 4, 2013. The work is time stamped.  No unauthorized reproduction allowed.  Contact Mark Burkenbine at mburkenbine@gmail.com to purchase rights to this material.

All Terrain Bowling (ATB)

Good Evening  viewers and fellow bowlers.  How the heck are ya?  (editors note...this line has been changed due to it's not so vague innuendo)

You read correctly.  I was by myself enjoying a game of All Terrain Bowling.    You can do it yourself , or with friends. It does not replace normal bowling, it enhances it.  Read up...There has always been a form of bowling. The game has been played for most of mankind's history, and played outside.

You can find yourself a stretch of land and make your own course, maybe even buy an old set of pins from a center.  Pins are not required.  You can find a hole somewhere the ball has to go. This game is played with the land in front of you, and your own imagination.    Pick a place the ball has to get to, and pick a course it has to stay on.  It does not have to be flat. You can smoke or not smoke depending, as always , on where you are playing.    Keep other peoples safety in mind when picking a site.  You can do this in the mountains , but it is up to you to realize how fast that ball is coming down the hill and where you and the ball will end up.

I use it as a game to play while hiking.   Remember this while hiking in the wilderness . Beef jerky may not frighten a sasquatch,  but a bowling ball to the  head will stop  almost anything.

Everything is a natural born enemy to a bowling ball.

All Terrain Bowling.....new videos on the way.        It is fun, it is inventive and it is challenging.  No lane condition issues.  Nature does not care if you use your left hand, your right hand, both hands or a ramp. All Terrain Bowling uses your own imagination, the lay of the land, and the weather conditions. Decide whether you count strokes or time to get the ball to the proper point.

Pick the weight of the ball carefully.  Throwing a heavier bowling ball long distance may be detrimental to your shoulder.  I recommend using a lighter ball for the drive. Maybe even those hollow shell balls like they use to teach bowling in gym class. This is for the safety of others as well.  Use a heavier ball for the putting surface if pins are involved.   This all depends on your course, obviously. Some are going to opt for much more demanding terrain, some will prefer flatter land with short grass.  

I have a pretty good imagination for where this will go and the problems it could face from some.  I ask for people to use an open mind.  Do your research,  There may not be anyone that has driven farther for less or more often to bowl 10 pin bowling tournaments than me.   I love the game and I may not be a top professional, but I am of reasonable talent and accomplishment.

Be careful. Your choice to play this game is your own. I, Mark Burkenbine, am not responsible for your choice to play this game, your safety, health  or how you play it.  You make your own decisions.  Play safe, play within the law, and enjoy a new challenge.    


Have a good evening.  Try something a little different for dinner or something.   Get out of the box.

youtube   All Terrain bowling   , or Mark Burkenbine video channel.  Sorry those embedded videos do not always show up on phones.

Thank you for your time


--Mark Burkenbine

This blogging thing , for me, is only a small part of what I am trying to do.  As a friend pointed out to me, talk is cheap.( I was looking to present a side project to fund the main one and pay my bills) But I am creating something, win lose or draw and I am willing to lose everything for it.  I will do this from a cardboard box if need be.

Some people paint.   I am painting on a canvas that only I can see at the moment.       Some do woodwork.   I failed my first shop project miserably.  I am sure my shop teacher lost a bet in the teachers pool when I left with all my fingers.

 This is a major building project  that is going one tiny piece at a time. One does what one can afford to do.  The physical manifestation of the whole will take place as the parts are assembled over the next year. Bear with me.   To my friends and acquaintances that think I am a nutball, ( I probably am, but)  I ask you to enjoy the show.   If I flame out, laugh at it.  If I succeed, I get what I need out of it and hopefully you will still laugh ,cry or whatever emotion you need to get from it.

Financially the money will be there eventually.  The winning will be seeing the project completed, not the financial totals.    Don't get me wrong, I want to be wealthy.  I kinda need to be.

Take care and have some faith. It can do wonders for you.

It really isn't all about me.

--Mark Burkenbine
Looking over the ratings from last nights State Of The Blog address, many of you viewed but did not click. It appears you went somewhere else.

 I have decided next months speech will be shown over all blogs.

You can run but you cannot hide.

When there is something important that needs to be explained to you, someone above you has to decide what you will see and understand. Someone has to make these decisions for you, so I will use my executive powers to override the other publishers.


In other news, I slept well.  It is exhausting running an entire world, this World of the ATB.   I know people look at me like I am a king or something, and I have it easy.  ... But sometimes, I get these little cramps in my fingers    Or I get some call from an outerworlder saying I owe them money.   I offer them the currency of my land, my signature, and they scoff at me and say 'that has no value here.'   Them and their electricity and running water.

I try to tell them I am KING of an entire Realm and still they scoff.   I need to get them to subscribe, so they know that there are bigger things out there than their call list for the day.  They say they have the power to shut down my world if I do not compensate them  with the coin of their realm.

At least they are speaking in a language I can understand now.

I, the master of my own little corner of the office/studio/spare bedroom-

Thank you for your Time

Mark Burkenbine


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Friends, relatives, neighbors, loyal readers, debt collectors and potential employers. Good Evening.

We, ( meaning I) are celebrating wildly ( I ate dinner )  over the success and survival of All Things Burkenbine.  Tonight is our one month anniversary since its creation. 

Let me pause and collect myself. ( it is a special moment and I feel one should always have to say that if it is special).


One month ago today , I took a project from the lower intestine of my brain and moved it into this BLOG, this internet.   

Over the last thirty days or so, I have let go of all my earthly possessions and reservations( broke and losing them) . My worries and corruptions are no more.   I have gone through a purification process, a mental enema unlike I had ever thought was possible.  Aye, that I had ever dreamed. 


Just letting ones creative energy go does wonders.  I wholeheartedly suggest it to anyone as a form of therapy. And it is cheap.    Anyone can do these things called BLOG as long as they meet the stringent qualifications and can get through the hazing.

The hazing was easy for me.  I have been picked on my entire life, and let's face it, I am good at it.  I have just decided to make it easier for everyone else to give me crap, and hopefully I can become a professional at it and make some money.     

Seriously, life gets much easier if you really don't give a rats  'behind'  ( I think one of the blog readers censors) what anyone else thinks of you.   

The BLOG  has four thousand plus hits in the first 30 days.  I do not know if that is good or bad.  I have a couple possible jobs coming from it, but until those pan out, they are wishful thinking.  I have finished the dry run of a few manuscripts, wouldn't call them books just yet.  I've learned many a thing about the start to finish process of  the bringing to market of a product. 

So far it is all good.  Over the next month focus shifts to moving along the actual projects, while finding a way to  fund them and survive while producing them.


Thank you for your support.  

Mark Burkenbine

In Blog We Trust
Feel the Cheese!

Thank you for your time--Mark Burkenbine

For those that can't get the video to play on you phone, use this link to YOUTUBE or go to the Mark Burkenbine channel at Youtube.


Monday, September 2, 2013





Good Evening.

According to a social networking site ,my profile is 75% complete, and that I should complete it so as not to be confused with others named Mark Burkenbine.

Really?   I remember when they used to put us in separate classes so as not to confuse everyone during roll call.

If there is another Mark Burkenbine, I hope it has gone well.


Although....I used to sleep walk.  Sleep drove ONCE. That did not end well. I woke up on the keyboard more than a few times.....who knows what else I do in my sleep...

Nevermind. This  actually explains a lot.


We will resume our regularly scheduled broadcast.....

Censorship is an evil that cannot be tolerated.  Free Speech.  Free Speech. This Kills Me. 


My product review was turned down. FOR MY  OWN PRODUCT!    

I AM BEING KEPT DOWN BY THE MAN!

Adult Content? 

Here is the review.
***** Five Stars!
Blood Sweat Tears....Funny Stuff 
By  Mark Burkenbine

It is my blog, and I feel everyone should get one vote. I laughed, I cried, and I very well may kiss my ass goodbye on this fun filled journey to becoming a better writer AND person. The posts may be short and quick like social networking, other times they are more detailed or a preview to a book I am writing. If you have subscribed, I thank you for your time and I will do my best to keep you entertained. Time is our most valuable commodity, WHY? No refunds---Mark Burkenbine 


oh. Never Mind. It also may be because I didn't buy the product, says I did not focus on the buying experience, I wonder if it is because I said NO refunds at the end.....I meant time cannot be refunded...????     ( See, it is funny cause I had to explain it)


Peace out :)
Good morning Everybody.  It is a new and beautiful day at the office/studio/ spare bedroom of the ATB.  We are now on Kindle  for $2.99 .

If anyone out there has a Kindle, please let me know how well the blog format transferred. Sometimes there are RSS feed issues.   I am ashamed to admit, I don't own a Kindle. I thought it may work on my Kindle Android App.   As many of you know, I am wrong often and I will be damned if it didn't happen again.

Kindle should allow all of my many minions of readers in third world countries to download my blog when they visit civilization.   They then would have me to entertain them for a month out in the desert, or jungle.   I hope I do not overly increase the value of their electronic device , increasing the risk of being hurt during a robbery.

I was told this is a holiday.   Bloggers take NO HOLIDAYS.  I of the BLOG exist only for the entertainment of others.  You, the viewer, are my Top Priority.

If I do not entertain you today, I will try again tomorrow or the next day.  If I simply cannot get the job done, please seek your distraction from the pressures of everyday life from one of my many compatriots of this brotherhood of BLOG.   We are all as one.....but I have heard I shouldn't drink the coolade at the meetings.

This has been another brief interlude.


Have a relaxing Labor Day....to my friends that are bowling a tournament today--Strike often. If you don't strike, spare what is left.  That is the secret of bowling, right there, there it is.


Mark Burkenbine

Sunday, September 1, 2013

I'd Spit in the Face of Adversity, but....... in some states that is Battery. I don't have the time or the money for that anymore.
Oh , and it is the wrong thing to do.     So , I will try to smooth things over with adversity. Maybe some whine and dine....beg for forgiveness.

Ever turn in your writing  to a large book publisher ( Think of a Woman dressed in red, white and blue who flew  an invisible plane, AMAZIN!)  and realize you are behind on a monthly payment to the same company.

That is correct. I want to be a published and paid writer so bad, I have fallen behind on a payment to that very publisher.

Chicken. Egg.    Kettle meet Pot.


Crap.



I hope you have been amused by my uncomfortable circumstances.   That is what I believe I am here for.   :)

This has been a drunken posting violation.  I will probably be arrested, the papparazzi will find me.  The headlines will read Bowling Gnome cited for aggravated font.   Breathalyzer court ordered to be installed on keyboard.

Actually , I am pretty sure I am waaaay more off the reservation sober.

I may have to resort to trying to make video content.  ARGH!

Have a good and safe Labor Day!

--Mark Burkenbine

Born to BLOG!    Since I was a child I dreamed of being an unpaid content provider for the Internet Blog  Plantation Owner.  It has been an honor. :)
I'm funny. I'm smart...Sometimes you just have to tell people that ,so they know.
I have tried to challenge myself to get 5000 coherent, creative and compelling words in order, in the space of seven hours. I fell short by 1300 ish..  This is my attempt to get something turned in to a publisher by tomorrow and await the cruel judgement. If it is a yes , I then wait for the cruel judgement of the public.   I think my hand hurts worse now than bowling the old 24 game hustler tournament. Finger is blistered from the pen.  Who'd u thunk? I will pick up again tomorrow and write and type till only the bloody stumps of my swollen meat hook remain.  


 I may be the only person on the planet that sucks at quitting and winning.

Hope all the kids ( there is a small herd) had a good day and I wish them a good night.

social media ish post almost over.

Today I ate a few hot dogs,  had a soda, and some popcorn. Then I contemplated the basic fundamental irony of life and death.   We are dying from the moment we are born.

Ain't that a bowl of butterfly chuckles?


Blog To Win !


--Mark Burkenbine

It's all around us.

 Jules Verne.  Nailed it.