Saturday, October 19, 2013

Hugo the Agnostic Cowboy coming soon.copyright Mark Burkenbine 2013

Big Twits: Let me be one of the 140 characters of your life.
Don't forget to make a wikipedia entry for me
Mark Burkenbine
The early years of All Things Burkenbine.

Beginning with nothing. Well , let us call it considerably less than nothing if you include all possible debt. It is not quite as easy as it sounds.  It is the definition of starting over, but trying to do things right.  By the way, trying to do things 'right' is not as easy as it sounds, either.

'Right'. The right way. Seems like absolutely everyone has a different definition of 'right'. Some believe 'right' means successful. That is another one of those elusive terms. Successful to some means financially successful, regardless of quality or anything else. They are doing something for the money and that is enough for them.  I would never do that. I can say that because I am proud and poor. Throw lots of money at me and I am willing to bet my opinion can be modified, as most opinions can be as the situation changes. To others, success may mean getting published, finishing a race or project, or just being happy about an effort or choice. It can be 'just happy to be here' , or  satisfied that they did the right thing, or all they could.

So everybody has to figure out what their 'right' way is, while clarifying what is 'wrong'.

Next episode :  Poking the Bears.

Yeah, I like that.  I will use that in my Wikipedia entry, if someone makes one for me.

C'mon people. Join my fan club and get me on Wikipedia.

Mark Burkenbine.
I've got Big Twits: Make Me One of the 140 Characters of your life





Search Engine Optimization?  Sounds like another marketing buzzword that someone chases , like searching for gold at the end of a magic rainbow.   A mystical service that promises results, if paid for.

Hashtags.  Does that REALLY work?  Hashtags?

Length of article?   Why should that matter? Isn't that just saying we have a flaw in our system and need a longer article to find you? Why does size matter in authorship?  It is unfortunate for me that I am the character challenged author that cannot seem to fulfill the needs of  the web crawlers.  It is a shame. They just don't know what they are missing. Perhaps I can compensate for my inadequacies by being prolific??

Obviously, I am just a guy that started typing.  I am not trained in any way, shape or form to be a writer or marketer.  I am not a blind follower to anything, but I do enjoy watching the wolves and sheep from a distance.  It is quite amusing.

Maybe all the services and tricks out there make sense in the business world, where you have to be ready to go to any length to manipulate systems, cheat if you can to get ahead.  A business only exists to make money.

hmm.  I am trying to use this blog thing to find what marketable skills I may possess & services I can provide.

Crap.  Maybe I need a marketing firm to take over my little campaign.  

Sleeping with the enemy. Be careful when you question authority, sometimes authority makes you its booty call.



--Mark Burkenbine.  Twerking with Authority.






Is it actually bad to occasionally re-post an old post? I still do not quite understand site rankings, just know that I am low enough on the totem pole that they shouldn't matter.  TOP BLOGGER does not appear to be achievable.I am happy to know someone  smiles at my 'content' now and then.    I have also been told that my posts need to be longer to improve rankings.  I have read many a blog that had repeated information in it just to make it longer.   Nah, I will pass on that.    To all the search engines crawling on me, there has to be a better way.   Length of an article should have nooooo bearing on anything.
So, bucking the 'rules' once again, I double dare you and Re-Post

Yaks and Yeti

So....we are setting in the living room of our two bedroom cave in the Himalayas, enjoying a few cold brews and cold pizza.  We are watching the Yeti chase the Yaks around in the valley just off the deck. Yes, we have a wager on who wins.  I says to Salman, "so what did you do to end up here? "

He replies, "well....I am a writer. A well educated man that created a well written book that was badly received by an entire religious sect.  I fear for my life constantly, and I can never let my guard down. I have been condemned by an entire way of life and there is a price on my head."

He tosses his bear bottle into the fire, and takes another bite of Pizza,( can you believe we found an all night delivery in the Himalayas...that was awesome.) 

"What, my new friend, ...what the hell did you do?"

I picked off the anchovies and black olives off my side of the loaded combo #7 w/ original crust.  
"Well....I  led my entire life like a Rube Goldberg machine. Did the easiest things the hardest way possible."

"How does that get you here?"  he says while burping like a college freshman.

I replied,   "Well...I decided honesty was the best policy. I decided there are things in my life that need fixed. I decided I needed a new profession and that I liked to write and create things. I am an odd person and following others doesn't seem to be a strong point.  I wanted to get paid to be me."

"an admirable ambition. I commend you " he says. "But..?"

Here we go.  Crap , that's the last beer.  Man, other than the pizza guy, there is nothing out here. This may be the most isolated spot on earth. Looks like the Yeti won again, but didn't beat the spread.  It's a sucker bet. Yeti always win, but Yaks run out the clock.  Salman pays for the beer and pizza again.

I finish my story. "  I wrote some very honest essays. Put it on this thing called BLOG.  A few people saw them.  Now, I owed money to some but money is what I am trying to make out of this eventually, so my argument with them is look...I am BROKE and trying to fix that. I cannot make enough at my job anymore, so it is time to find a new job."

Salman says " dude you are long winded, get to the point. If you owe money and the collectors aren't what you are worried about, what the Hell got you worried enough to be in the middle of freakin' nowhere?"

I said , " Chill out. Man you get edgy after losing a bet. Just once, take the Yaks and the point."

I continue, "  I wrote some personal stuff down , about my kids, about my views on life ( Salmans  left brow lifts from under his doo rag).  "and", he says?

"Well, I may have mentioned some exes or eluded to one or two. " I mutter, " and there may be an angry old girlfriend with an angry Lesbian aquaintance."

Salman takes the beer out from where he had been saving it for a needed occasion and bites the cap off. I keep telling him those are twist offs.

"dude" he says, " I have been chased around the world by a people that are relentlessly  chasing me to avenge their GOD, and you....are screwed. It is time for you to go."

Mumbles something about me being there for a month, they must be onto me, time for a new identity again, maybe Atlantis?.,,angry lesbians.....


welcome to my world!
---Mark Burkenbine



Friday, October 18, 2013


A long ,long time ago, I was filling out a bio for a bowling tournament I had entered.  A friend of mine had described his occupation as a student of the game.  I then looked around at the field and determined that several of the regulars where not just competitors, or students.  I realized they were the characters of the game.

Everybody has baggage, and is irritating at some point. Have you ever noticed that even people you cannot stand, or just don't know, have something interesting and entertaining that can captivate you for a few moments. It can be a smile, an attitude, just a way they do something.

We all have our quirks. Some quirks are more fun to watch than others.

Find those people. The ones that just thinking of  makes you smile and feel good.  It could be a neighbor, a friend, a person who works at a store.

Dig through your memories and find 140  characters of your life.   It seems to be a successful number.

Thanks for your time

-Mark Burkenbine

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Anyone know of any call center work a husband and wife team can do at home?  We are both literate and comfortable speaking to others. Wife has B.S. in Business Administration with majors in human resources, management and accounting.
 I tinker in creating blogs, videos and web content. www.Allthingsburkenbine.com is the home to that project.
 I also have:
* three years experience in financial institution  occupancy and quality control property inspections
* ten years experience managing retail sporting goods, specifically bowling  pro shops, and have a lifetime involved in bowling.


I can bowl a little bit, shovel snow, mow a lawn, and drive incredible distances. We are willing to look at all above the board possibilities.   Any of the projects on my website will always be on the table to be completed.

Dispatcher, office manager, call center, answering services,manage a small business?
We would prefer to work together if possible, but again, almost anything will be considered.

Thanks for your time

Mark & Amy Burkenbine  , Missouri
mbowl@hotmail.com







Tuesday, October 15, 2013

 Welcome to my little show.  I don't know how you found me, but thank you.  We have a little bit of everything going on in this testing ground.  Some fiction, some reality show material. Home made videos....shots in the dark at skits, marketing, sales, resumes, editorials,poetry and comedy. Attempts to get better at just about everything I ever wanted to be but never was.

I should point out..This is not one of those blogs that is concerned there should be 1000 words for every post, and it should look like a magazine article. I do not have one topic, theme, or look. I believe in variety and random thoughts.

Things have gone south in some ways over the last few months, but have improved exponentially in all areas that matter ...future actually looks bright for the climb from ground zero.

 but hey, I could be over dosing on those damned inspirational quotes I complain about.

Other than my whining, hope has not left the station quite yet.

Please enjoy your trip through this mash

--Mark Burkenbine



I have started a twitter fiction   novella.  We will see how it goes.  I have a knack for being good at things that don't pay well, so I figure why not give that a try also.

The story is In The Future NOW.   I will create a page on Allthingsburkenbine.com  so it can be followed easily if someone misses anything.    I do not plan to do more than five tweets a day and the story and updates will  be on twitter account  @mbbowl  .

Hope someone enjoys reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Thank you for your time

--Mark Burkenbine
Who knows when it began.  'WE' were launched into a 150 year process of inventions that seemingly kept making life easier. Cars, electricity,nuclear power, cell phones, computers.  Some illness was wiped out. Previously fatal disease and injuries were made livable. Some disease became like catching a cold.

The world it kept a changin'.

The banking and insurance system never really changed. They exist to get huge funds of money in a pool, and they invest that money in our stock markets and such, and they do so with the ok of federal insurance.   Banks loan out money for homes because there are many corrections to markets and bad estate planning that are all part of the equation.  Bank loans money, you pay for decades and you pay far more with interest, then a mysterious market correction happens and the bank takes your home and sells it again when you have an injury or inevitable loss of income. There is also the scenario that you pass away and the bank or health care system gets your home even if you had it paid for.   The bank and insurance always win. It is an interesting math problem that most of the world is part of.

Tip- pay cash up front on real estate.  Time is the only capital. Own things that will outlive us. If you have a home loan, you are really paying rent.

I can say this because I am poor.

Everything is very transparent in our world if you open your mind to it.

Computers are linked by their signal connection.  In reality, all phones and computers are now linked. All that information is being gathered. Much of it is gathered for the use of sales and marketing. Business is the same as it has always been, but many companies will tell you until they learn how to use this information, making an actual sale may be getting harder due to an abundance of competition. The lack of ability to use the info is making a mess.  The really big companies are getting bigger because they know exactly what to sell and to who.

With the use of social media and all this data from our computers, someone out there knows everything there is to know about anyone with a computer. EVERYTHING.  They are using social media as the social conscience of this system.

Believe it or not, We are all now linked as a universal mind. Collective conscience.  Once believed to be in insects,( at least I believed it)  someone has masterminded it to happen to us.  We are ALL linked together, and soon it will be even more apparent who the worker bee is, and who the Queen is.

Watch how we are manipulated through media and advertisers. We are moving in shapes, not as one. Pulled and pushed.   What are we moving to?

One day , there will be a Giant Global Conglomerate Government Business.  No more business competition. We will all do our jobs, if there are any to do. We will get charged by the thought, basically. When we want something , it will be monitored by the HOME COMPUTER BRAIN LINK and whatever we want will be 3D scanned and created for us.  Food, music, physical needs....all taken care of.

The next innovation from there is they just let us imagine it as reality.  That would probably be cheaper.

Conspiracy Theory....nah. Just a story.  Is it fiction or non fiction? I don't know.  My next posts will probably be silly pictures to change the mood of my collective blogging experience.

Thanks for your time

Mark Burkenbine

Monday, October 14, 2013

What is the next big social forum?   Through the years , social gatherings have evolved greatly.  We gathered around the fire. We gathered around the kill. We met at churches,town halls and at family members homes. Vacations, parties and  events were held in all manner of places. Meals were and still are often part of the celebration or exchanges of information.

The radio came along and it was the new big thing. Television. Phone calls. Conference calls. Video calls. Cell phones. Texting. The internet. Chat rooms.  Video chat from your phone. Social media websites.

Every place people gather, business and sales follow. Every place  eventually gets too many people, or too many that don't see eye to eye, and someone eventually finds a new "thing".

What is the next new thing? The current social media sites have incredible volumes of people, but already have an incredible percentage of users that either aren't very social, or are just trying to sell something. Social Media is a medium that has a lot of companies still trying to figure out how to make any money with it.  It is not far fetched that the entire landscape of social media will look nothing like it currently does in the next couple of years, is it?    Think of what your phone could do five years ago. Look at it now.

Humans have a way of seeing or imagining something that is fictional, and somehow making that come true.   Take a look at submarines, space travel and cloning.  Were those inventions not first introduced in great novels ?

In five years, will we all be setting around the radio again? I think that would be great, but doubt it happens.

How much longer before we have telepathy?  If you think spam is a problem now, wait until we have banner ads, virus, spam and hacking on our own brainwaves.

Thanks for your time

--Mark Burkenbine

Dear Diary

Dear Diary.  It has been  seventy days since THE BLOG has begun.   The ravages of social media and the mindless  ‘promoting’ is taking its toll.   What began with big dreams has begun to feel like a  habit being pushed on by hours and hours of mindless –Inspiration.  All of those historical quotes  and spam have made me believe that ANYTHING could happen. It just could.  I have read about this phenomena and have a theory.  

In every  zombie and mummy movie the monsters make a grunting noise.  Their jaws and tongues don’t articulate it well , but after much research I have it figured out.  

“UGHLINDIDSNKargh.  “  If you record that noise and play it back slowly, every  one of these monsters is saying the same thing.   

It’s  monster speak for  “ I think I can.”

It is all so clear to me  now.  We are in the mindless Zombie  war right now, and have been for awhile. 

All Business is ruined forever due to cheap and free information on the internet.  Do it yourself anything can be attempted  by absolutely anyone.  Do it yourself is not just for the smart and capable anymore. Anyone can find info to build weapons, do surgeries, make your own beer, diagnose yourself,

Crazy stunt videos are rampant on various social media sites. I have seen kids jumping over moving cars. People are eating things that could kill them.  Self inflicting pain  for the hopes of an audience. ( kind of like blogging).  All on video in the hopes that so many people will watch , they can get paid and become their own advertising vehicle. 

Everyone inspired by inspirational quotes to do things they have no idea how to do properly. “You can do it”…..”Your God says you can”…..”this famous person says to reach higher”….”this famous person says smile at what you have”…” If you think it, you can do it” “ no pain no gain”.

It is all driven by  sales and marketing campaigns of one sort or another.  The self help and do -it -yourself  sales force is relentless.  Every business is trying to use everybody on social media as an unpaid sales force.  Click , like , share and spam this , that and the other.

Hell, it has even created a field of business for Social Media Coaches.   COACHES.   People to help you get your message in just the right places at just the right times to increase exposure to your own personal brand.  You still probably won’t make a dime doing this, but what you have really done is made yourself a better free salesman of your personal brand. Great Personal Branding means you are a good place for the content host to put their advertisers.   It is a good deal for someone.  Gaming the system always is.

For every person out there who thinks he can, there is someone benefitting greatly from  being able to make you think that.   Sales and marketing really do run that deep into our lives.

No self help book will every tell you anything that  your mom, dad, siblings or friends did not already tell you.  Find a friend to help, don’t buy a book.  The needed advice that matters is always free or you always  already know what you should do.

Learn everything you can about the field you want to get into. It is your only percentage play.  Process beats dreams almost every time.  Luck is what it is. 

Just don’t come down with a case of the   ithinkicandothis.   By the time it  becomes  “UGHLINDIDSNKargh, it is to late and you are eating brains.

What you are looking for is a case of  “ I know how to do this”.

Thank you for your time
Mark Burkenbine


This being said....I love the chaos of it all.  This chaotic fight for sales and advertising spaces will always happen when customers congregate, where ever that may be. Business has to be where the money is. That is the ONLY business rule.


Social Media Lesson #1



It's all around us.

 Jules Verne.  Nailed it.