Saturday, November 30, 2013

Black Coffee and Rum


So, I am having another one of another one of those days.  I am trying to figure out how these words got onto the same piece of paper, cause I can't do much else today. I am always trying to get something out of a wasted day. This would probably be a song/speak ish thing, music looping the whole time and the lyrics are just a conversation about the crap in peoples heads. The music is playing now, imagine your own. For me this may be kind of be like that one song except nobody is going to be all right :) By the way,  Black coffee and rum are awful together but it does wake you up and numb you out a little.



Black Coffee and Rum

I'm picking my life apart
going to  keep the good things I've had
say goodbye to the sad
But saying goodbye to the sad
things in life
doesn't really work so well
a restraining order is sometimes necessary
and some of this stuff you will meet again in hell

<Today I am thankful for
muscle relaxers    anti inflammatories  a tens unit   and of course
black coffee and rum

so I am half looped and half realizing
where all this crap has come from
and I am still hurting, in a state of
uncomfortably dumb>

Shit happens and there's no place to go
you can't run from a bad decision
but most people give it a helluva try
in the end, the damned things will find their owner
every god forsaken time

The more you run the more that lost dog wants to come home
It will tear your world apart, it will piss on every overturned stone

Stupidity runs rampant in my family
probably yours to
take a look at your family tree
and see if someone elses crap finds you
that sins of the father stuff
is mostly true

my neck is killing me
heading to work
may have to make a few more rights to avoid the hard lefts
damn.
Sometimes left is right. Sometimes to write is wrong.
Someday everything you ever knew will be gone

while I am waxing poetic, something to think about
for every toy you own that you did not earn
is another generation that will make sure you burn

Today I am thankful for muscle relaxers, anti inflammatories, a tens unit and
of course, black coffee and rum
So I am half looped and half realizing
where all this crap is coming from
and I'm still hurting, in a state of
uncomfortably dumb

Remember, pain is just another way to know you are still alive.

But hey, I gotta be me. Spread the cheer

written, published and owned by Mark Burkenbine  November 28, 2013
copyright 2013 Mark Burkenbine


Thursday, November 28, 2013

Feelings of Discomfort by Burkenbine



Traditional gifts for  untraditional sentiments.  We all have our Feelings  of Discomfort, why dodge it?  

Unforgettable moments and special issues need cards also.  

Topics include:

Thinking of you
 for neighbors or co workers  -  I see you almost everyday and I really don't like you at all, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Hope things work out for you and your family.

 for the Ex.....I can still feel your love. It burns when I pee.

Thank you notes
Thanks for making dinner. Have you seen sparky?

For your doctor.  Prostate exam--  I'm not sure of the protocol, but , can we be friends?

Wedding
Congratulations!  It will work this time

Memories

Hunting/camping/road trip
"Hey, remember when you drank my spit cup?"
"Hey , remember when you drank my pee cup?"

Apologies
 I didn't know my webcam was on.   Um, I got hacked.  

Infidelity

Roses are red, 
Violets are blue
your real father is the milkman

"Her name is  (insert stripper name), I was drunk.  I don't think I used the babymaker..."

and many other traditional and miscellaneous uncomfortable  topics to choose from. Such as...

"So, is your daughter 21?"
"So , is your wife happily married?"
Same sex--"are you happily married?"
Same sex--"So, I saw you in the restroom. you want to be friends?"

After death of spouse
"Did you have insurance? Would you like to have dinner?  Too soon?"

My personal favorite-
"Honey, that is really hot. Is that a new vibrator?"       "No dear, I found it in that dresser your mother gave us. "


"Nice to meet you. What is your porn name?"


-Slogans can be customized.   Next time you have a Feeling of Discomfort, let it fester a little and pass it around.   

Life is good.

The previous information is a real business that occasionally uses real jokes.  

Mark Burkenbine sometimes is Blackie South Eleventh.   I had a choice of Blackie South 11th, or Ruffie Rural Route 1 for a porn name.

mburkenbine@gmail.com  for information on how to place orders.   









As I spread my holiday cheer throughout the world,
 I think of the things I have to be thankful for.
This morning I am thankful for Amy and her family
, and of course all my kids, father ,brother and friends.
I am thankful I can remember my mother like she is still here.
 I am thankful for everyone's attempt to understand.
 I am thankful for all the chances I have had to experience this wonderful thing called life.
The good and the bad.
 I whine a lot, but It is usually a deadpan joke. I assure you, I have seen a lot more good than bad.

I apologize for the cruel thanksgiving displays of celebration. To those that do not recognize this particular holiday...too bad. Your loss.  For me, it is about being thankful for what you have right now. It doesn't have to be religious or a national day of pride.  Every day can be a thanksgiving for anyone.

...Today, in particular, I am thankful for muscle relaxers, anti inflammatories , tens units, and of course--black coffee and rum.

Yesterday, I broke a sweat eating breakfast.  I am so out of shape, chewing is now my only calorie burning exercise. .    I didn't realize I was going to need a training program to make it through the Thanksgiving dinner marathon. I should've started with the two piece meal at KFC about 6 months ago, and worked my way up to a bucket.    I will have to remember to stretch and hydrate to keep from cramping...start slow.



My new tin can candle and greeting card line.  Feelings of Discomfort.



Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Good Evening, my minions.  My name is Blackie South Eleventh.  I have a lifetime in experience and provide guidance into the wantrepreneurial world.  Major in entertainment , minor in troubador.

Let us define Wantrepreneurship.  You have a love for projects, ideas, thought process and gaining knowledge. You lack the ability to get them off the ground, or sometimes, the skills to even get into the field in the first place.

Let us go over my long career as a wantrepreneur.

I tried to run away at the age of 4 or 5, hid in my neighbors boat with my plastic fishing pole, and was ready to take on the world.   I  had clothes and sandwiches.  Search and rescue found me under the boat tarp, asleep.

At the age of 15, I wanted to be a professional bicycle motocross racer even though I had never won a single race in my beginners category and actually found a loophole that would have allowed me to move up.

At 16, I dropped out of school cause I could not focus and I figured there was nothing left for me to learn. I didn't even know how to drive til I was 18. ( I did at least get a GED)

I want to be a writer. Produce videos. Create companies. Write songs  ( I don't know a single note, so I write lyrics).Sing songs. Act. Write books. Create an entertainment center. Create a group that gets tools into the hands of  talented people that can use them to become self employed.

I like the idea of writing slogans and sayings for novelties, t shirts, and greeting cards.

 Doesn't everybody feel like they could start a new company every day?

I tried to create a blog/video network and had planned to make my car the actual studio for it.

What I do best, is set at my white table, and make ideas.  That white table is my baby grand piano.

Wantrepedour. Take ownership of your inner wantrepreneur, and make some music with it.  Just don't get anything done. Don't create a team, and don't get investors. Follow these steps and you can live the life of the wantrepreneur.

New lyrics at What would this be without a song

Yours truly
-Blackie South Eleventh.     What's your porn name?

It's all around us.

 Jules Verne.  Nailed it.