Tuesday, August 29, 2017

stand up story teller.

I pull up to my next property inspection. It is an old house. Let us just call it a manor, as that word should give you an idea that it is large, old, and kind of spooky.  It sets between two businesses, which is an odd position as it is. I look at the due date, and decide I can skip it.
My wife says, did you see the cage on the porch.   I said, great. I hope the dog doesn't still live there. She says it looked like a monkey cage.  Or a snake or gator. I said I want no part of a monkey. They can rip your face off.  She says she will take her chances with a monkey, wants nothing to do with getting crushed by a python or a boa. I said that is just slowly going to sleep. You can live through getting your face ripped off.  My diatribe follows.
There are things you should not live through. 
I would like to think, if there are powers that be, that they have a list of things they missed. That these powers manifest themselves as a sign, and tell people that lived through something like that they can take you now, and take you quick, or give you a reward, kind of like an out of court settlement for their obvious error.   
and then , somebody with a bag over their head screams and runs out of the theatre. The person with them yells obscenities at me, and  that she just had her face tore off by a monkey. I said.....DUDE. Pointed to myself and said ASPERGERS. Do you know what that means?  Probably not. It means you just wasted yours, and my, valuable time. If she still had a face, it could be getting ripped off by a monkey while you are yelling at me. Jeez. My afflictions make my job difficult sometimes.

and then I woke up from my dream. 

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