draw m e the picture

of what the e nd looks like

not  how you wa nt it to be

this took fore er  to type

but i had to try

I've never been a professional artist. It's always been from my heart, not my pocketbook.

 That's not to say some folks in different countries didn't steal my shit. But I never made more than .39 cents. That won't even get you a snickers bar. and they suck since they put their version of "dark chocolate". on them   Idiots.    And I love actual dark chocolate candy.    That ain't it. 

Health report , more like a diary entry, not interesting

 Seems like every time I pull a tooth, I'm sick and messed up for a few weeks. I lost hearing in my right ear for a week, and then my left eye was having problems when I pulled a wisdom tooth.  That was just an example. Diseased teeth, probably need to start asking for an antibiotic when I think they are about to come out.    

Anyway, I've discovered neuropathy. Boy, new pain is just the bee's knee's.  My feet burn so bad now, I forgot my fingers have a lesser issue, but it's still there. I'm moving around finally, so I decided to do dishes.   Amy had asked me if I need hot, or cold, to help with this.  

So I plunged my hands into the sink to wash dishes. Without the screaming and swearing, let me just say hot water was not the way to go.  My feet were killing me, and when my hands went in the hot water, I forgot I had feet. 

I'm not diabetic. I'm used to pain. New pain takes awhile to get used to, to understand how it works. Hell, I'm basically numb from the armpits to my knees. Brain is very alive. It's almost like the body has prioritized that. Quite the blessing. Hope I have my wits about me enough to take full advantage of that. 

I didn't explain that well. 

Honest competition.

 I never rooted against an opponent. 

Never. 

The best thing about the internet

 ...is that damn near anyone can type something that helps you. Something profound, to your particular situation.  It can be funny, it can be sad, it can be absurd.  But, if it clicks for you and helps you, it may as well be Hemmingway. 

Funny thing, I bet Hemmingway would love that. 

I hope I've left a few that help someone else get through the day. 

It's the only thing that matters. 

 I suffer from a unique form of perfectionism. 

Current life challenge

 Currently trying to help my Wife set up the apartment as if I wasn't here anymore. 

Not as fun as you'd think. 

I have but a few ace's up my sleeve...

 and I'm not calling them in. 

Maybe another life. 

 The last time I saw my friends and family will forever be yesterday.

Decades can go by, but for me, it's yesterday.

I don't feel the disconnect. 

You are always with me, I am always with you. 

Forgive me if you can. 

I thought it worked like that with everyone. 

Twilight

 Fell asleep in the desk chair,

over the side, with my arm on the recliner, but woke up quickly when Amy yelled my name. She scared the crap out of me. Apparently, she thought I was dead. Fair. I'm going to miss that woman when I'm gone

But it's better than missing her while I'm still here

It all seems a little too surreal...

Recognize...

 when you are in the presence of greatness. Let it soak in. 

Have Agency.

 Life is pretty simple. Be honest with yourself. You fucked up. Very few don't. Die the best person you can be. 

I find it necessary to remind people of this. 

Teamwork and friendship.

 If there is one thing I learned a long time ago, it's that if you can put a team together with great players, they will do well, but they will suffer losses.  If you put together a team of good players that are friends, those losses aren't suffered. Those wins aren't taken lightly. It's just a life experience you all are sharing in. 

One of these might be better. 

No matter what happens from here, I've won Life.

 What a shitty day. 

I hope yours was fantastic. 

The sweet spot

 There is nothing quite like being overrated and underrated.  It's perfect.

A thought

 Last night, I pulled out a Wisdom tooth. 

Nobody ever thought I made a good decision. 

What chance do I have now? 

I feel a little lost today.

Know what you are, when you look Judgement in the eye.

 It's like crossing a bridge, that's only there for me, but I can carry others across it. I've done it a few times. I know it won't be their forever, and I know why it won't be there when it's most needed.

Constants...

 are just the last thing you expect to change. 

It's a mythical thing that has been weaved into your belief of how things work, how things are. 

Constants are fluid. 

It soooo annoys me...

 that you ignore the other blogs and social media. 

This is a very large project.