Tuesday, July 3, 2018

The money pit

Time to make those miracles happen.
You know the ones
That free money falling from the sky
Or that extra job or three
Cause working hard is the only way up
Or is that working smart?
- cause you have to make it while you sleep to make 'enough' or you are or aren't getting by
And you know paying debt is how someone else makes it while they sleep.
Off to work we go.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

all the capitalism I need...

i just want to make enough money to walk up to random strangers and hand them heads of lettuce without this activity cutting into my refrigerator door collection
I wrote this in 2016. 
I feel like such a capitalist.
-Mark Burkenbine

Wednesday, May 2, 2018


Food for thought.

That explains a lot. 

That awkward moment...

When you are next in the drive thru  line
and the sky goes dark, temperature drops
And wind comes from behind,  shaking your car
Tornadoes could pop up anywhere
But chicken fried steak meal for $2.49 Is today's special, and probably not going to the store
And that lady 3 cars back is terrified , her face is red....and she's not leaving either.
Once you place that order...You are obligated.
Mark Burkenbine
Kansas. 2018
#Tornado #Weather

People come here for the Weather

I'm from central Kansas. This time of year is our busy tourist season. You can always tell who the newbies  are...pulling over to take pictures of our latest prize winning crop of  tornadoes. Jim Cantore has a spring home nearby, next to a trailer park. Trailer parks are like fishing lures for tornadoes

#Tornado #Weather

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Saturday, March 31, 2018

'Get Stupid'

The goal of alcohol, I was told by friends, is to drink til you 'get stupid.'
I told them I'll be dead before that happens. I have charts.  I checked the math.
So I drink 'til I'm sleepy. And I drink alone.
-Mark Burkenbine , 2018

Friday, March 16, 2018

Remember. The greatest accomplishment of incalculable evil is to hang on to receive full benefits.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Fashion Police

Leaving  the store yesterday
Some guy says it's too cold for shorts
I say not for me, I've got hair on my balls
But I couldn't stop thinking it would've  been funnier
If he said it's too cold for shorts
And everyone  was wearing pants
-Mark Burkenbine  2018

Saturday, March 3, 2018


I am not a narcissist. I merely play one on the internet and have a propensity to randomly act out this character in public. I find it humorous to be the only one in on the joke, and don't really care what people think of me. 

Friday, March 2, 2018

For those in the KNOW

I have one ear that sets lower than the other, and one that sets back farther. If I ever have my glasses on perfectly straight, alert Starfleet command. I have been cloned, and modified.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Brown Paper Bag

In years past, the most powerful cloaking device the average human had was called The Brown Paper Bag.  You could put anything in it, and it was available at any store. It was complete guesswork to figure out what was in it.   
How ironic that in today's United States, that only a liquor store seems to use this 'trickery'.
(Often), as I leave a Kansas liquor store and am asked if I would like a bag, I chuckle to myself and answer "why yes, please disguise my immoral and self centered purchase in its costume....as I leave a place that can only sell one thing, and only has this one bag."     Then I dance to my car, knowing nobody can possibly know what is in the bag. This Magical Brown Bag that SCREAMS nothing to see here.
--Mark Burkenbine , 2018

What's on your mind?

It always asks the same question.
It's always the same answer.
Cerebrospinal fluid.
I will post this and it will ask again.
It's maddening.
-Mark Burkenbine 2018

Thursday, January 18, 2018

It's too late by the time you see it....

Once you recognize Absurdity
it sees you as well.
You can't fight it
there is nothing to win
plenty to lose
Absurdity will let you join in
Heck, it wants you to bring a friend
Absurdity always has something
To sell
but nothing to prove

Mark Burkenbine 2018

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Joe Frank died yesterday . May he rest in peace.


Poor Man
watching the grandkids
Kids say
Grandpa -can we play with the toys
Grandpa says
I don't have any toys
Kids say
-can we play with the animals
Sorry kids
I dont have any animals
kids are dejected
Wait ...says grandpa
You can play with the slices of bread
but don't name them

Cause grandpa did not want them to have an existential crisis
over the BLT he was planning to fix them for breakfast

if Mom and Dad found out, Grandpa would be toast

Mark Burkenbine  2018

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Happy New Years

I have nothing, and it is all mine.

Turns out "my fork broke" also means "we need better silverware" and " I need a knife".   No need to say the last two at all.

Going to be cold tonight.  I turned on the heater for the first time this season, just to make sure it worked.  Then I turned if off.  It was around zero last night, and it was 72 in the apartment. Going to be -5 in the morning, we shall see.

My resolution this year will be to improve on my decisive ambiguity.

If I ever have to have hemorrhoid surgery , I hope I will be able to play the piano afterwards.

Happy New Year from the Burkenbines.  


Hard to believe nobody got me a megaphone for Christmas. 

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

painting darkness

the unknown is a dark canvas
    throw questions at it
til you have an answer
    here and there
like a big etch a sketch
and slowly but surely
a picture will form
....do it again...
 ...never stop...

Mark Burkenbine, 2017

Monday, December 18, 2017

Successfully blurred lines

Good ones move things.
Bad ones get moved.
Been working on this one for 50 years.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017


Is artificial intelligence another way of saying fake news?  There is nothing artificial about intelligence. It is there, or it isn't.

Do you use your dominant hand to wipe your ass? Sorry. Been trying to figure out if I was left handed and got coached into the right handed thing.  Hell, I shave left handed, in the shower with no mirror....but have to be careful if I shave right handed, cuz that thing will cut me. There is no reason for this search for answers, beyond enjoying the quest....such is life.

I cannot get over the fact that we have to put air in our tires, but Elon Musk is seriously trying to start a colony on Mars, and particle accelerators are smashing atoms looking for dark matter, God particles, and testing electrons to see what they do.... In effect, they are challenging our concept of time, space, dimensions of existence....  There may be a small lapse in technology between what the governments have and what the public gets access to. Enjoy your drive and your heated seats.

It takes me awhile to get 'spontaneous' just right.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Mix it all together, take down the walls, and see what happens.


Everybody loves puzzles,
but so many think of them
as a game
that comes in a box

but they are everywhere
we can see and beyond
some with keys, clues & so on,
some with chains and locks

Some made by people
some with words
numbers ciphers and moments
some with  pictures and events

Some on a grand scale
that can sweep through
 the everythings
and all the nothings and whispers
& happenstance

The greatest puzzles
 you will ever play
will be the ones you didn't know
 you were a piece of

The puzzles you aren't given the picture of
The puzzles your aren't told the number of pieces of
The puzzles you paint yourself as you meet new people,
read new books, see the world and maybe find what you love

Puzzles that span all of time
Puzzles are poetry that does not have to rhyme
puZzles are people you have met but only think you know
PUzzles are coincidences that do not exist
as you sink into a life that is just another piece
into this giant work of art that your parents worked on,
their parents and your kids kids will or did, to.

Mark Burkenbine


The term 'negative person' often gets used erroneously, and as a smear tactic.  Not believing someone's bullshit doesn't make you a negative person.  It makes you a perceived obstacle to their success. Watch out for 'unprofessional ' and comments undermining your intelligence.   
Mark Burkenbine
-Life Coach-

Friday, November 10, 2017

Reverse. Something to ponder

I think we have the concept of these electronic devices a little backwards. 

Thursday, November 2, 2017

One of these days, I will tell you a strange story about all this, and all that. 

Sunday, October 29, 2017

First impressions. Just take the hit...

I have still never found a better way to know about people, than by putting your 'Stupid You' first.

Just throw the stupid right out there in the open, first thing you do.

Then, based on that, you decide whether you want anything to do with them. 

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Art House

Art House. My life is red neck avant garde. Savoir faire is egregious to people that think texting in proper english is an insult.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Barriers of entry

People will do anything to keep a 'sweet gig'.
Apply this knowledge to most obstacles.

Are you good at your job, or good at keeping it?

Friday, September 22, 2017


It is cute, you know.

When someone with obvious, or even hidden...intelligence...does things so profoundly stupid...from your point of view.  

The answer to conundrums like this is....

values.     Individuals have different


Thursday, September 21, 2017

prolonged exposure

I'm a ray of sunshine.

Protect yourself accordingly. You may need to get that lanced.

Monday, September 18, 2017


I've got bills to pay. I want a new bowling ball.

I think I will start with getting my eyes examined.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Thank you.

Your likes and shares make me feel relevant as a human being.

It is almost like a reward system...

Tuesday, September 12, 2017


social media is smart people meeting people who think they are smart.

Comedy/drama ensues. 

Monday, September 4, 2017


I have carefully crafted my entire body of work so it is NOT enjoyed by those who have no time for it.

Friday, September 1, 2017

Given a choice...

Fly like an Eagle. No. It is beautiful and all, but I am pretty sure gliding like a bumblebee is the way to go.
Think vibration. Frequency. 



Tuesday, August 29, 2017

stand up story teller.

I pull up to my next property inspection. It is an old house. Let us just call it a manor, as that word should give you an idea that it is large, old, and kind of spooky.  It sets between two businesses, which is an odd position as it is. I look at the due date, and decide I can skip it.
My wife says, did you see the cage on the porch.   I said, great. I hope the dog doesn't still live there. She says it looked like a monkey cage.  Or a snake or gator. I said I want no part of a monkey. They can rip your face off.  She says she will take her chances with a monkey, wants nothing to do with getting crushed by a python or a boa. I said that is just slowly going to sleep. You can live through getting your face ripped off.  My diatribe follows.
There are things you should not live through. 
I would like to think, if there are powers that be, that they have a list of things they missed. That these powers manifest themselves as a sign, and tell people that lived through something like that they can take you now, and take you quick, or give you a reward, kind of like an out of court settlement for their obvious error.   
and then , somebody with a bag over their head screams and runs out of the theatre. The person with them yells obscenities at me, and  that she just had her face tore off by a monkey. I said.....DUDE. Pointed to myself and said ASPERGERS. Do you know what that means?  Probably not. It means you just wasted yours, and my, valuable time. If she still had a face, it could be getting ripped off by a monkey while you are yelling at me. Jeez. My afflictions make my job difficult sometimes.

and then I woke up from my dream. 

Thursday, August 24, 2017

The apparent

It's cute how people still believe they can't be forced to think a certain way.
Most can.
Not immediately.
It's a slow drip kind of thing.
Think in years, decades, lifetimes.
Think in terms of advertising,  media, education.
Think beyond the obvious.
I'll say it again.
Many stupid things are brilliant when you realize their purpose was not what it seemed.


I often wonder if an affinity for jello is a precursor to a long stay in an institution,  and if this is studied , can we pinpoint a diagnosis? Can we tell which facility will be the future host based on a favorite gelatinous flavor or shape?
My think tank is now seeking grants and other funding sources.

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

trending slightly sideways, slightly upwards

Life is amazing. I don't even recognize the idiot I was just ten years ago.

I am a completely different kind of idiot, and I hope this trend continues. 

Saturday, August 12, 2017


Civility does not mean you get your way.

Be very careful who you wish to take rights from. You may get your way. Your rights may also be next.  

It is funny how that works.  We always tend to think of our way, as the right and only way. 

It/They have had their fill.

the internet has been where most of the world has exposed themselves
in so many ways
we learned so much about the ways of the world
they learned everything about us

but when they shut it down
after all this rigmarole
it is because they have what they need
and have moved on to even more invasive procedures.


Notice the soft pastels...you are getting sleepy...very sleepy...when I snap my fingers, you will awaken and remember nothing, but incorporate the subliminals into your everyday life.   You are welcome. 

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

my compliments to the engineer

Whatever age we are in or becoming, it is being beautifully orchestrated, and has an intriguingly devilish puppet show.  

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

4 AM Legos

They have discontinued  our dogs dogfood. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It seems she enjoys some of the substitute brand, but tosses the ones she disapproves of.  Just flips them into an ever widening pile that gets kicked across the room. It's a situation that is reminiscent of a child playing with legos and not picking up their mess.  Sooner or later, I -being a middle aged male, will have to walk across that floor to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night. We all know those blood curdling screams...the profanities...of hearing your father stepping on legos at 4 am. And you remember the pain when you repeated the genetic faux pas  when you stepped on them, explaining the situation to the officers on call who understood and were concerned for your safety. Of course,this always happens at 4 am. Nothing good happens at 4 am.
As I lay here in bed pondering the situation, counting the ounces of fluid I drank in before bedtime , I reason that stepping on dogfood surely isn't as painful as being impaled by legos. Maybe I need some slippers. Good slippers.
And with that happy thought of imaginary foot armor,  our hero drifts off into the world of dreams....

Mark Burkenbine  2017

Wednesday, July 12, 2017


is a unique thing.
It starts at home.
It starts inside.
You have to see it
understand it
& claim it as your own
before you
can expect it from others.

It matters
those things you
have done in the past
is always waiting for you

Perhaps no one
respects honor more
Than those who desire it
But do not possess it.

Honor isn't righteous
It's not.
It's just right.

It's not situational
It's not even free will

It's best to
find it early
But just find yours.
It's waiting. Still

Mark Burkenbine copyright 2017

Monday, July 3, 2017

Turn corners


If I had a dollar for every time I am asked what it is I do....
The answer is always "I do not live your life"
I spent most of my life trying to satisfy and justify myself to others...and finally realizing they could not be satisfied....
Then I spent a mere four years at a job where everyone  I met was very close to the worst day of their life and I was an agent of bad news.
And I somehow started to enjoy life and do things that make me happy...enjoy time with happy people.  Help others when I can.
I may never write a best seller. I may never sell many creative works....others may never 'get me' enough to like my future videos or storytelling presentation, or even my comedic sensibilities.  
But I live my own life.  
This has been a stream of consciousness  social media post.   I'm Mark Burkenbine  and yes...I like vagina.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

You are weird to?

Woke up early again. Right toe, right elbow and left heel barking. So I get up, do my rounds and think I will shoot over to the Golden Arches and grab some coffee and Sausage McMuffins. I hate to admit it, but a spicy orange sausage like patty with Nuclear orange cheese-ish is a weakness of mine. ( Slogan- It's so good you can taste the orange). but I decided to not spend money I don't have.
So I dig through the frig and see a bowl of hamburger and pork and beans. Perfect. Heat it up in the microwave (cause I believe we have to free the radicals) and take my first steaming bite and DAMMIT it's chili. I like chili but when you are expecting sweet and you get not sweet it's a shock to the system.
It made me go back to some of those surreal moments in life....like when I had my first surgery, a hernia that ended up being a tumor in my groin. The lady asked me if I had cleaned up the area, and I had not because I had not been told to do so. So she starts clearing the forest, and I feel this breeze. She was blowing the strays out of the area......did I mention my wife was setting on the side of the bed. This nurse was blowing hair away like a carpenter would blow sawdust off his guide lines. I am just staring at the ceiling thinking 'did that just happen?' Which is what I asked my wife and she was like " That is NOT ok"......and then I sang eye of the tiger all the way to the operating room. I woke up screaming in post op.
And these are the kind of memories I have when I want Orange sausage and cheese, settle for beans and hamburger and get chili, unexpectedly.
Yeah, you are weird to.

Sunday, June 25, 2017

second thought


That's right. I am moving into the lucrative 'consulting' field. Being new to the business, I am hedging my odds and focusing on 'miscellaneous'. I looked at the numbers, saw an opening, and took it.

 Still working on a slogan.

Mark Burkenbine ,  your choice when needing consultation.
"If you lose your keys, I'm your guy"

I'm pretty good at finding keys.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Industry appreciates a sense of humor.

When my main business of purveying original thought is slow, I like to bolster my income by doing field services full time. Always interesting. 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Things were different then...

I've had this chip on my shoulder ever since the lawsuit over 'The Secret Lives of Waldo Kitty" and those Walter Mitty people forced them to change the name to 'The New Adventure of Waldo Kitty'. Looking back, I know it was justified, but as an informed 7 year old, it really triggered me to be the unstoppable force of nature that I have become.

It didn't have to be this way.....

Toys in the attic

In the end
We are judged
Not for having toys in the attic
But did we let anyone play with the cool ones

Friday, June 16, 2017

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Sans Cheese.

Good to be back to work.  I enjoy the challenge of my particular field. Need to find a few more clients.   Field inspections/data collection/debt collection consultant/courier/eyes in the field/ SPY/Mortgage field services professional and some other choice words.

My way of dealing with the situation is this.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Sunday, June 4, 2017


Vision makes me look fat.

I know, but what do you expect from a man who has made gibberish his chosen art form.