There are days when it is hard to find the positives. I will try again tomorrow.

Trying to present the uninteresting as humorous since 1968

I gave up my hope for mainstream success by the age of eight, but revisited the idea a few times.

That fiftieth time you realize you are the only one laughing in the room, or the theatre,...

or the occasional tear, while others laughed....

looking for the thought process that led to the idea for the story or joke...

watching a film and telling my wife that it was hilarious and beautiful
but it is mentioned I never laughed audibly....I was just appreciating someones work.

Silence sometimes means they are listening.

My Author bio page...I would tell you where, but I do not believe in persuasion

About Mark A. Burkenbine

(Note from the Author: I assure you, I am clearly among the more talented, overall, of the other poor schmucks at the bottom of the Amazon sales list. Please view my videos, and be sure and throw my name- MARK BURKENBINE -into any search engine. Happy hunting, and I hope you find what you are looking for.Now, back to my little story...)

Apparently I am one of a few million people that decided it would be a good idea to take the private thoughts in my head, and share it in the form of a story with a lot of strangers. Enjoy! Let us pretend this is successful and I am a rich and powerful 'Author' who has become a multimedia content provider.

Today, I awoke from my drunken stupor to the magnificent view of my apple orchard in the valley at the country estate, not to be mistaken for my French countryside estate, or villa. The servants made such a racket preparing my crepes. I wish they wouldn't scream when they upset the platypus. Have you every had platypus caviar on your crepes? It is simply magnificent. Oh well, I now have to go place an ad in craigslist to find a new platypus handler. My help keeps thinking platypus are poisonous and that they have to go to the hospital over a little swelling. 'I can't breath, I can't breath'. Constant whining. FIRED! If you think of yourself when you are working for me, you cannot expect to remain under my employ. It is wonderful being rich and successful. My mattress is stuffed with angel feathers and my pillows are clouds I 'borrowed' from God.

TA TA.
Did you find the spelling and grammar errors? I leave some for an extra game we can play, more entertainment for the readers dollar. Can you figure out the ones I caught and the ones I missed? I hope I am not the first novice writer to make light of this process. Have fun and enjoy your day. Waking up is the greatest opportunity you will ever have.

Post nasal drip

Ah, the joy of post nasal drip.
Like most mornings, I'm worshipping at the altar of the great white porcelain god, choking and dry heaving, and having a moment of clarity as the blood vessels in my eyes explode.
And it came to me...
There was tri-color rotini in the store for the first time since February.  What part of the supply chain took out tri-color but allowed the plain?

And now back to regular programming...

Mark Burkenbine. Conflicted Agent of Reason. I'm as flabbergasted about it as you are.

Right now, the seeds of the greatest creative works of our time are being planted in minds around the world.

I fear they will not be seen or heard. Books will not be read, certainly not bound.

The smell ...of a good book, erased from the human condition, like it was nothing.

Breakfast Lasagna

So...
     I wake up today in my mindcastle and I can hardly stand up. I look at the news, check my bank balance, do a quick check on what I have done wrong in my life and what I do right, and where my values line up with those of society.  Have I improved as a human being? Does quality of life improve because of this?

I formulate a test.
I happened to have a slice of lasagna in the frig.
The greatest thing in the world is breakfast lasagna.
I heat and eat said breakfast lasagna, with a side of BP meds and naproxen.

I close my eyes for a moment, and go through the checklist again.   All the problems are still there, the good is still there getting the shit kicked out of it by the bad.

Only one conclusion can be drawn from this.

All the garbage has woke up in my world of mindcastles and breakfast lasagna.  It is not real, and I will have to erase it.

So sayeth Breakfast Lasagna. 

Carefully crafted to ensure that this product is only to be consumed by those who may take an interest in it. 

Waste Landish illusion of randomness

If only persuasion STOPPED at the acceptable good.

I've got so much to say

Nothing is true and everything is possible

rotini milk  3.31

but soon nobody will be allowed to hear it

vitamin b3   psilocybin  lions mane neuropathy

Rough morning.  Woke up at 4 am. Fell asleep waiting for the shower to come available around 9 am
only thing unusual is I usually wake up at 3 am.

I'm a big fan of mistakes. The right typo can change the meaning of everything. It's as if definition is fluid.

So, if every decision propels you along on Fates predetermined path, are mistakes moving you away from it, or back to it....

It's like Destiny can always say "yeah, that was all part of the plan", after the fact, and everybody KNOWS that is bullshit.

My own bullshit sounds better and better to me, all the time. Not sure drinking my own sugary drink can be good, or if this is "WISDOM".    ( Oh fuck. He caught WISDOM.  Can't be long now...)

I realized awhile ago that I don't write for the masses, or my kids. I write for my great, great grandkids.  Because they won't have my ex wives around to tell them what an idiot I am, or was.....

To be fair, I am an idiot to most. I spent most of my life about fifteen years behind on social interaction skills. Fortunately, because I was some sort of narcissist, I did not kill myself over the chaos and got to an age where I caught up enough to understand what was happening.  The power of believing in yourself for no reason is amazing.  Maybe this will end on a productive note.

Well, it's hard
 to do
something that's never been done

by definition
I am not qualified
I am just the only one

and I am telling you

It is hard
 to be
a financially successful me

The meaning of life
no more no less
poetry in motion
if I took a guess

things in common
common core math
anti/meta humor
professional bowling

everybody gets to where they are going
everybody does what they can
there is something about
the end of the line
most people
just don't understand
you always thought
there would be time
you always believed in your plans
it never crossed your mind

you think you are in over your head
everybody gets to where they are going


black ops  no hole pin under middle
iq tour no hole pin over bridge
ink no hole pin over bridge

refrigerator casualties
milk tea garlic hot dogs
oj eggs milk tea honey

I've got nothing to say

trying to succeed with no influence

Scrying Waste Land