Saturday, September 13, 2014
Y I Bowl
Church of the Ringin Ten
https://soundcloud.com/mark-burkenbine/church
Everybody say Yayessss. Good evening to you, brothers and sisters. We are all gathered here today to roll some thundah.... to pound the pocket....to get that ten out and celebrate a few moments of victory, or defeat , with our friends. Our brothers from another mother. Fellow bowlers. Confess your grief. Tell me all about it. Enjoy a cold one. Clear your head until the next session. .....share with us. How do you knock them all down?
Wouldn't you all love to own a bowling center? They say the best way to be a millionaire is to buy a bowling alley for 3 million and hope you have one left when you close....
Careful what you wish for
If you work for it, it could be yours
The good, the bad, and the other
The closing of the doors
Where you spend one or two days of the week of your life
I was behind the counter morning , noon, and nights
Watching the doctors, factory workers, kids
councilmen, teachers and housewifes
You watch the birthday parties, celebrate babies born,
as other customers pass , gone away from your store
Watch friends fall in love
and some
would surely marry
you raise money for the sick, and the families in states of loss and suddenly poor
and then in the end they closed the door
to your bowling alley
A whole community
once spent a day or two
knocking down pins
rolling a ball
having a beer
a smoke and a burger, talking with friends
The poor mans country club,
The bowling alley was town hall
You listened to the stories and the gossip
bitched about your boss, who bitched about you
while bowling league on Monday night
It was a little dark and dated...sometimes there would be a little fight
but we kept score for 35 nights
and teaching someone to pick up a ten pin
somehow, made a lot of little wrongs all right
Careful what you wish for
If you do this right
It could soon be all yours
the good , the bad and the other
and the closing of the doors
I spent so many Sundays of this life
bowling for money, trying to strike
In the Church of the Ringing Ten
and As I look back at the good, great and crappy places I have been
There was never a better place to learn about all walks of life
Not where, Not how, and Never When
It was always the place to be taught a lesson
The Gospel
of the Church of the Ringin Ten
but times have changed, it costs a little more
as a machine keeps your score
Building is nice and bright and seems safer now-not sure what for
and the regulars don't come as often , through those automatic doors
Big box center with all the tricks and
its pretty and clean, at least for a little while
Just doesn't make you want to smile
It's just a business now
Now the old alley , it had Character, Community & Style
The alley is gone. Time passed it by
machine keeps score
Big box center just doesn't feel like home
Big box center
with machines keeping score
Losing friends takes its toll
That dark ole bowling alley had character
and those characters gave a game and a building a SOUL
Written , created, and owned by Mark Burkenbine, December 27, 2013
Copyright Mark Burkenbine 2013
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Monte Cofeman
I am represented by the firm of Hasbeen, Wannabee, and Neverwas.
Ive used a few stage names through the years. My porn name was Blackie South Eleventh, because I just wasn't into the genre that Ruffie Rural Route one would get me.
I sometimes go by an alter ego of Monte Cofeman Well of course it is a bow to the greats, ya know. Safir Monte and Dewey Cofeman. They were my idols....but I am a bit jealous. I have a different sense of comedy. I am NOT a comedian, barely even a humorist.
He made them laugh. He made them angry. Because I illicit and incorporate my audiences boredom and lack of interest into my work, the critics have accused me of not being entertaining..the critics choose to savage me. If my name were a Kaufman, i would be recognized as a genius. I would be revered.
I have been told my work is considered unprofessional, sloppy. No protocol....blah blah blah. The list goes on and on. I take my breaks during a show, whenever I feel like it. I do not CHAIN my creative process into a format. Sometimes I nap in the middle of a song. Sometimes I just stop what I am doing and go do something else. Sometimes I go back to what I was doing. It is my artistic license, my right to abuse the awkward pause. Again, if I were a KAUFMAN, you would realize what I was doing. ....but i am not a Kaufman...not yet. We shall see after the ritual.
If I were a Kaufman, you would buy my used tissue paper from internet auctions. you would truly luf me then.
Yes, they called me Comedy Nazi? My Grand ma ma says we are dutch.
oh , are you referring to my way of dealing with someone who interrupted to my act?
No comedy for you...and I walk to each person who has behaved and whisper a joke or wish them well in life. But NOT for the offending party. They have chose to ruin my act. and it is MY act, not the audiences. I do this for ME. It is my art. If you are at my show, I would hope you are a fan. Why pay for a ticket if you do not wish to see me perform.
Yes, I once did a whole tour, reading a how to perform comedy book to the audience. I did write the book.
When the dr put me on diuretics , I took a large bucket on stage. Nothing interrupts my show except me, not even my bladder.
my work appears sloppy to some because I do not believe in EDIT. Everything that comes from me is art. EVERYTHING.
Let this one live. I do not have the power, or right, to make you accept my genius.
Yes, sometimes it appears I have a temper management issue. Rest assured, this is not true. When I am yelling, it means I do not know what to do in this situation. That is all. My temper is fine.
My fame has not changed me. I was called the exact same things by people I did not know before any of you knew who I was.
advice? Warhol said you all have 15 minutes of fame coming. Well, with inflation and depreciation, that is now 6 seconds. There is probably someone catering to that snippet of time now....
Mark Burkenbine copyright 2014
Ive used a few stage names through the years. My porn name was Blackie South Eleventh, because I just wasn't into the genre that Ruffie Rural Route one would get me.
I sometimes go by an alter ego of Monte Cofeman Well of course it is a bow to the greats, ya know. Safir Monte and Dewey Cofeman. They were my idols....but I am a bit jealous. I have a different sense of comedy. I am NOT a comedian, barely even a humorist.
He made them laugh. He made them angry. Because I illicit and incorporate my audiences boredom and lack of interest into my work, the critics have accused me of not being entertaining..the critics choose to savage me. If my name were a Kaufman, i would be recognized as a genius. I would be revered.
I have been told my work is considered unprofessional, sloppy. No protocol....blah blah blah. The list goes on and on. I take my breaks during a show, whenever I feel like it. I do not CHAIN my creative process into a format. Sometimes I nap in the middle of a song. Sometimes I just stop what I am doing and go do something else. Sometimes I go back to what I was doing. It is my artistic license, my right to abuse the awkward pause. Again, if I were a KAUFMAN, you would realize what I was doing. ....but i am not a Kaufman...not yet. We shall see after the ritual.
If I were a Kaufman, you would buy my used tissue paper from internet auctions. you would truly luf me then.
Yes, they called me Comedy Nazi? My Grand ma ma says we are dutch.
oh , are you referring to my way of dealing with someone who interrupted to my act?
No comedy for you...and I walk to each person who has behaved and whisper a joke or wish them well in life. But NOT for the offending party. They have chose to ruin my act. and it is MY act, not the audiences. I do this for ME. It is my art. If you are at my show, I would hope you are a fan. Why pay for a ticket if you do not wish to see me perform.
Yes, I once did a whole tour, reading a how to perform comedy book to the audience. I did write the book.
When the dr put me on diuretics , I took a large bucket on stage. Nothing interrupts my show except me, not even my bladder.
my work appears sloppy to some because I do not believe in EDIT. Everything that comes from me is art. EVERYTHING.
Let this one live. I do not have the power, or right, to make you accept my genius.
Yes, sometimes it appears I have a temper management issue. Rest assured, this is not true. When I am yelling, it means I do not know what to do in this situation. That is all. My temper is fine.
My fame has not changed me. I was called the exact same things by people I did not know before any of you knew who I was.
advice? Warhol said you all have 15 minutes of fame coming. Well, with inflation and depreciation, that is now 6 seconds. There is probably someone catering to that snippet of time now....
Mark Burkenbine copyright 2014
6 Seconds of Fame
Andy Worhol's theory on everybody gets 15 minutes of fame , has , if we figure in inflation and depreciation , been knocked down to 6 seconds.
Isn't that a Vine?
--Mark Burkenbine
Isn't that a Vine?
--Mark Burkenbine
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Long day for a beginning podcaster
I have 800 plus posts, and several unpublished stories and skits slowly becoming podcasts and videos... . most of the work is done with a phone from the Scion XB mobile studio/tinyhome.
The high winds of Kansas kind of shake the car around and make a lot of noise. My apologies. I will end up reworking most of these, but it is a start.
https://soundcloud.com/mark-burkenbine
The high winds of Kansas kind of shake the car around and make a lot of noise. My apologies. I will end up reworking most of these, but it is a start.
https://soundcloud.com/mark-burkenbine
Monday, September 8, 2014
Big Ice Cream...I have your ad campaign.
Keep in mind, I am not judging.
So, my wife has this tub of ice cream in her lap for the second time today ( it was a baaaad day, I understand)....and as I am coming in to take the ice cream away ( I saw the look in her eye, I was going to lose something)...the tornado sirens go off. She says , as she bear hugs the ice cream , " they only find those skinny bitches in the trees".
"Ice cream. When you are under threat of high winds, remember --you only find those skinny bitches in the trees"
*One gallon per serving size. 7 out of 10 meteorologists recommended. **Endorsed by a Weather Bureau.
*Not a real ad for Big Ice Cream. Not really recommended as a safety feature during high wind situations.
** Not really endorsed by anyone, other than a few skinny bitches that fell out of the tree.
----Mark Burkenbine
So, my wife has this tub of ice cream in her lap for the second time today ( it was a baaaad day, I understand)....and as I am coming in to take the ice cream away ( I saw the look in her eye, I was going to lose something)...the tornado sirens go off. She says , as she bear hugs the ice cream , " they only find those skinny bitches in the trees".
"Ice cream. When you are under threat of high winds, remember --you only find those skinny bitches in the trees"
*One gallon per serving size. 7 out of 10 meteorologists recommended. **Endorsed by a Weather Bureau.
*Not a real ad for Big Ice Cream. Not really recommended as a safety feature during high wind situations.
** Not really endorsed by anyone, other than a few skinny bitches that fell out of the tree.
----Mark Burkenbine
a vine is how long?
Soooo I am tinkering with ideas for some of those short vine things.
I was thinking maybe I wear these absolutely huge slippers and maybe a duck hat..shorts and tank top.
A lady says " that's just fabulous" and I say with my worst cowboy dialect "ma'am, did you just question my manhood? Where I am from saying the word fabulous to a man insinuates that he is a little light in the loafers."
" not that I think there is anything wrong with being light in the loafers, but I am not."
And I drop my shorts around my feet and giant slippers and begin approaching the offending woman.
" now , based on my midwestern upbringing, I must fornicate you to prove you wrong. Rules are rules."
And hillarity ensues as I chase her Benny Hill style with my trousers around my ankles.
Then I was told a vine is like 6 seconds. Maybe I can do a trilogy, with a 'making of' documentary complete with gag reel.
And that's how a 30 second trip in my head can go.
Mark Burkenbine
I was thinking maybe I wear these absolutely huge slippers and maybe a duck hat..shorts and tank top.
A lady says " that's just fabulous" and I say with my worst cowboy dialect "ma'am, did you just question my manhood? Where I am from saying the word fabulous to a man insinuates that he is a little light in the loafers."
" not that I think there is anything wrong with being light in the loafers, but I am not."
And I drop my shorts around my feet and giant slippers and begin approaching the offending woman.
" now , based on my midwestern upbringing, I must fornicate you to prove you wrong. Rules are rules."
And hillarity ensues as I chase her Benny Hill style with my trousers around my ankles.
Then I was told a vine is like 6 seconds. Maybe I can do a trilogy, with a 'making of' documentary complete with gag reel.
And that's how a 30 second trip in my head can go.
Mark Burkenbine
Sunday, September 7, 2014
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