My Lifes Work 2...

........Have a good weekend..----Mark Burkenbine

Enjoy your weekend

Perfectly acceptable bowel evacuating situations

It was 20 degrees and windy.  I'd spent all day on ice covered roads and It was getting dark. My assignment was to do a job nobody wants to do, and nobody wants to talk to you while you are doing it.  I had to park on a two lane highway with no shoulder, then slide down the drive on foot to get to the door. As I carefully  approached the door, I raised my arm to knock. Just as my arm is about to hit the door , my eyes sent the message to the brain to stop that hand from knocking on that door -even if it dislocates something. The note on the door was faded , and I assumed it said 'no soliciting' or ' day sleeper'.  I was very wrong.    I panicked,, looked around, and made my climb towards the car.

I did not get bit that day. And while I now truly understood what a bowel evacuating experience is, I am happy to say that did not happen either.

Stories of the unmentionable job are fictional ...all companies ,people, addresses, and private information  that may appear similar are merely coincidence.  

add vice to bloggers-exercise

https://soundcloud.com/mark-burkenbine/add-vice-2-bloggers-exercise

It's happening-- AGAIN. After 3 days in your desk chair, the toes are falling asleep. Your thighs are cramping. The thought of another thought makes you dizzy and you just want to take a li'l nap ... -Blogger, BEWARE! You need to exercise. Exercise is when you move around to get the blood to make a full trip through your body, and get your lungs to take in enough oxygen to survive. This may keep you from stroking out. Jumping Jacks are an excellent exercise to do. 30-50 jumping jacks will have you somewhat functioning again. At least well enough to blog and further pollute the once pristine waters of the internet. When doing blogger jumping jacks we should review the safety guidelines! Make sure all power cords, glasses, plates, silverware, staplers, lamps and windows are a safe distance away. Stretch a little before you pull a hammy. DO NOT do jumping jacks in front of the cell phone, laptop, or other potential video devices, and DO NOT do them naked. Step away.....If you are blogging, then you know full well what happens to the mind. Your are in full "look at me" mode. Is a jump in hits worth it? (If you answered yes, there may be a 12 step program just for you) Of course, our last bit of advice. Do Not do jumping jacks in flip flops. For the ladies and the confused, also do not do them in heels. It can just end badly. Have a good weekend, Hug your loved ones, and I thank you for your time---Mark Burkenbine

Tonight begins a once a week recurring feature of The ATB. Classic Repost Thursday. This week takes us all the way back to August 3rd, 2013. I remember it so well, as if it was only last week. Have a good evening, make some popcorn, and set back for the smooth stylings of All Things Burkenbine and ------'Finally...Movement.' -----Saturday, August 3, 2013------ Finally.....movement. Goooood Morning everybody. I originally was going to call this blog Pen to Rest. Maybe id pick up hits from mistypes of Pinterest.com and hope thousands of people would be happy with there mistake. Then I found out there was a song of the same title. So here we are... The other reason for Pen to rest, was to tie in with a ritual I have. Every night and morning I tend to write something down. Writing is kind of a laxative of the brain for me, and apparently I share this affliction with hundreds of thousands of other bloggers. The people of the world have obviously been suffering from a form of Mental Constipation for centuries. Type in BLOG on your search bar and google will explode with all the listings. Blog hosting is where the money must be. So many have the mental constipation that Bloghosting sites have acted as a mental toilet for the brain. A place where we can put this crap so we can sleep soundly. This is a blog, which means I did not research just how many bloggers there are. Based on the Google search explosion I witnessed,its maybe a million plus. -Which means the blogging septic tank will begin to leak as it reaches critical mass. The blog hosting sites will get in trouble for illegal dumping. Big Government will have to step in and sick the EPA on the blog hosting sites. New regulations will ensue.Prices for the Blog septic service will rise as the market shrinks and then the rich and powerful top 1% of bloggers will have cornered the market...the rich and powerful with there Quality and proper grammer and punctuation;and blogs that dont stink, so no risk in violating EPA standards. One day we the downtrodden might all have to go back to keeping this crap inside. I hope you found this nugget, this mental corn, at least somewhat entertaining Thank you for your time , Mark Burkenbine

a few rules of engagement

It's a dog eat dog world out there. A world filled with angry, argumentative people on the verge of exploding.

 Everyday, people are fighting traffic to get to work on time. Fighting to win a contract for work. Fighting for a better parking place. Fighting to pay their mortgage. Sometimes, they are physically fighting for there life.

 The following rules do not apply to a physical debate.

 Debating. Civilized debate is an argument over facts. One person arguing may have a masters degree from an Ivy League school, and be a leader in the field of the chosen debate. The other may be a janitor, or a lowly blogger.(my apology to janitors for lumping them in with bloggers). - or someone else you may overlook as an expert in any field involving facts or knowledge.

 There are only two ways to know if you win a civilized, nonphysical argument for sure.

 1) The loser concedes, saying "oh, I didn't know that. Thank you for enlightening me with your knowledge." In the whole of recorded human history, this moment has never happened. Not to anyone. This is usually when the nonviolent argument turns physical and the rules will change.

 2) The loser fumes and leaves. It usually involves profanity, slamming of a door, and /or screeching tires. There is a way to win the argument by default. A spirited debate pitting the 'expert' in a topic against a mentally outgunned opponent can swing momentum. This is if the 'inferior' opponent has the right matchup of skills /attributes. Can the underdog take the mind numbing abuse ? Can he just keep fighting with insufficient data (babbling and chirping) and mental stamina? And does he have a very good bladder? If you see sweat rolling down the superior cranium of your opponent, start drawing comparisons to your argument and a waterfall. You can now look him in the eye with your best Eastwood, and think," Go ahead punk. I know what you are thinkin. Did I have one big gulp or two?" A superior bladder and a can-do attitude can beat a PHD and six cups of coffee ANY DAY.

 Thank you for your time, and I hope all is well. --Mark Burkenbine

Well, I have already broken a rule I set. I had decided I would not do research on blog topics beyond the actual definition of words and terms. Did you know there are over 181 MILLION blogs floating around out there? Jeez. It's worse than I thought. I don't know why you are looking at this post, but thank you. The odds that you have found me here are amazing. It seems most blogs are about how you can get rich doing a blog. Then there are the topics about how to target your audience, and use social triggers and other things that can't work. These blogs teach you to leave comments and links on as many blogs as possible' in hopes that the other commenters follow back to your site and leave links in your comments. There's a lovely chain of events. No wonder advertisers have dropped there rates down to maybe $2 to $6 dollars for 1200 clicks. The only people clicking are other bloggers. We of THE BLOG would be much better suited to round up our own local advertisers ourselves instead of spending a lifetime in the comments sections. The hits on these sites are often deceptive as it is, with bot sites prowling them constantly. There will be no blog hopping and leaving links all over the internet from me. I put the link on my facebook, Tumblr, Google sites and my website at Burkenbinebowling.com. I may send out one email "blitz" ,and I'll twit now and then. That's about it for me and marketing. I don't care if there are ads on here or not. This "blog" is not about making money. I'm literally throwing crap at a wall to see what sticks. --Thank you Eric for being my #1 (and only) twitter follower. Here at All Things Burkenbine, We like to think of ourselves as small town friendly and be on a first name basis with those we hope to entertain. Thank you Chaun for the $1 through the paypal button. After the 36 cent fee, I have 64 cents to divide between the R&D and Marketing departments. The future is so bright...Have a good one and thank you for your time--Mark Burkenbine

Ok....I may have to do this one soon.

I noticed two guys working a busy intersection , for over a year...seemed to be about 8 hours a day. Is that a bad gig?

Ah. Monday morning has arrived. The excitement of blogging has worn away as the dull pain of reality sets back in. The high point was when my twitter account jumped from zero followers to one in a mere twenty four hours. That's 100 percent growth, ladies and gentlemen. Only in America can a startup double in size that quick. If I jump to 2, that may be growing to fast and I'll have to have a board of directors and staff. Me, Inc. is on fire. But,, now it's Monday. Rent and other bills are over due, and I have to work for what pays. It doesn't help me at all today, it goes on next months check. Everything I do seems to be about a hope for a rosier tomorrow. I may even start selling things. What did people do in a pinch before EBAY? From where you sit-you see a man who is out of time,of little means and spiraling downward fast. A man losing work and it's not the kind of work people clammar for anyway. A job that many would consider not suitable for a man of conscious and respect. A man with a spread out, dysfunctional family. A man whose kids hardly acknowledge his existence and he them. A Dad and brother whose distance is felt. He loves them all and thinks about them always ,but not much communication. There is a dog with a limp that seems attached to the wheelchair of the mans companion. They are all obviously happy despite the constant chaos. Chaos...Divorce and broken relationships all through his life but aren't they all broken until you get it right? A man that cars are afraid of.So many broken down cars. I imagine people see a lot. Truth is they probably do not notice. What they don't see is what I see in people, and myself. In my world, I finally see freedom. No competition. I have a smile on my face, even though I have some tough and deserved consequences coming my way.I have a smile on my face as I come to middle age and realize I still have the job I will always have. I am the CEO, the king, and lifetime leader of me. Every man or woman is the king or queen of there own world and absolutely nothing in the "real" world changes that. In the game of life, there are no losers. If you are still a contestant , you are a winner. There are only contestants and non contestants, folks. You really can't take it with you. We run ourselves and we get better at it. Nobody can walk a mile in your shoes....Take care of yourself, --Mark Burkenbine

The following bit came about after a recent "brainstorming" session with Amy for her public speaking course. We started with the assigned topic of American Culture. She was looking at fad diets...then mentioned the topic is to be familiar to the audience, who will be our neighbors. I said"then we need to change the subject to Pastures and soft foods." I don't mean that in a bad way of course, just looking for common ground. Amy is in her mid 30s, I am mid 40s. The neighbors are 60-90ish. We live on a cul du sac off a highway just on the edge of town and our backyards are a pasture and a valley. Its definitely a retirement community. A very peaceful place to be. Then I realized, Instead of being put out to pasture ( a seemingly harmless phrase indicating somewhat assisted demise) , older people now live in nice houses in the very same pasture where someone or something else may not have had such a nice twilight of there life. Things have changed quite a bit in the last century. Back to the diet...I point out ,with our neighbors, the speech should be about the revolution of soft prepared foods over the last 100 plus years. It all started to gel. I am on this. I've finally figured out what the smart people have probably always known, but I'll pat myself on the back anyway. While I am mulling this over, Amy looks at a website about horrible ways to die, which adds to my bit. Apparently, being chewed on while alive made the list.... I now know why we as a people are fat,and living longer anyway. The whole story. Over the last 100 plus years, food is prepared beforehand. It tastes better. More important, its softer. The olden day Hard tack is inedible when you get older and your gums and teeth hurt. Meat was tougher. Worse yet , you had to catch and fight and prepare your food, and you never knew when you would actually win that battle. Going back to horrible ways to die..Creamy Peanut Butter even took a few people out.Peanut butter was always at least somewhat crunchy back in the day.The families in bear country used to make the kids draw for the short straw to go out and churn the peanut butter. Bears like peanut butter. Who doesn't? Creamy peanut butter was a delicacy to be savored, cause little Timmy gave his all to churn it that long. People live longer now, and eat more. It's simply because we now can chew the food and eat comfortably later in life. Rarely do the bears kill anyone at the Cosco when they are shopping for the peanut butter. Thank you for your time

There's no competition out here! --Mark Burkenbine

Several real stories rehashed from Amy and amalgamated into one. It seems damn near anyone can get a handicap tag if they whine to a doctor. It's become a standard practice. To those that have to justify your need for the tag---that means you don't need it. You wanted to park closer to the door for convenience. I'd like to do a show about this phenomena called 'Guess That Disability'. We park outside and wait for the handicap parking spots to fill. Watch the assortment of NOT DISABLED people who jump out of the car, or the family members who use the tag to get the good parking place. Have a good one and thank you for your time --Mark Burkenbine

A.I. or artificial Intelligence---Who came up with that term? They must have been in marketing. I'd do research on it, but this is a blog devoid of such fact verifying activity. Artificial ?. If something is Intelligent, theres nothing artificial about it from the moment of Intelligence on. It is , or it isn't. It always seems like we ( people) claim to know what Intelligence is.We only know what things are ,based on our limited knowledge and an assumption that we have the "facts' straight.There are some things we do not know. Who knows, if the aliens fall out of the sky, humans may find out what popcorn shrimp feel like. I saw a post the other day with the title ' If animals are smart why are they food?'. (I forget the site, I think it was on an MSN home page) Again,,,,an assumption that we humans aren't food. I imagine a pack of lions eating a person, all gathered around the kill, and the goofy lion yucks it up and says " They sure taste good. If they are so smart , why are they food"? Note---I would like to add, I have no claims to holding any personal intelligence whatsoever. I write a blog. Have a good day and thank you for your time --Mark Burkenbine