Difficult Much

My parents made me go to church every week until I was about eleven or twelve. The Sunday finally came, after a successful dramatic protest, that I could stay home alone for the first time.

We lived on a quarter or a half acre out in country. I would ride our Honda 70 minibike around the house and yard, weaving between the trees and outbuildings.

That day I must have done laps for an hour.  I specifically remember asking myself, "Where is the clothesline?"... Referring to the heavy wire clothesline I had ducked under so many times before it damn near decapitated me.

I hit it neck first, but did not let go of the bike. It pulled me into this time-stopping wheelie,suspended by my head, with the high pitched hum of a small bike on full throttle. Then the wire finally broke from the pole, I landed flat on my back, the bike rolled away and I think it hit the house.

My parents found me on the ground as I had landed, just trying to breathe. The skin on my neck was was worn away, bloody, and I was quite bruised for some time.

I did not let go of the bike. A notable reaction that, looking back, I may have repeated in every possible way, in every facet of life.

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If you had told me when I was a kid, that I would grow up to be me, I would have forced emancipation hearings from myself.
But here we are.

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I promise, this is a comedy.

at the risk of repeating myself...

The ability to never be taken seriously is a finely honed craft that took years of study to realize I was born with it.
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Some people have a little fun by silently passing gas in crowded places. letting others take in the essence against their will...

I mumble things as I'm shopping. " applesauce...haven't had applesauce since the nipple accident..."

It has a similar effect on the thought process.

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Thinking of doing a live stream of trimming my fingernails..but I may just release it as an independent film.

It's about the presentation

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Harrowing experience this morning. Beautiful blue sky and 65 degrees, but it's always stressful when I have to shop for produce. Something's happened to my skin and I can't open those plastic bags anymore. I'm sure as heck not licking my fingers to gain traction ..that's probably a crime now.

Then there is the pressure of self checkout with produce. The other day I accidentally rang up a yellow bell pepper as a red bell pepper. They cost the same but I asked if I had to change it. I dont want tackled by the pepper detective at the door
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The Bronco is being re released on OJs Birthday. ???

For the man whose ex is sleeping with the waiter from your favorite restaurant. Options include gloves that don't fit.

It writes itself. Billions in free advertising. Weaponized absurdity...
-NEWS FLASH....FORD CHANGED THE DATE.-
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Through years of effort, I have successfully become the top listing if you google search 'Mark Burkenbine'. Good job, ME.

******* Pet Peeve- There is a definition for the word unimaginable. I put that up there with Creative Writing Teacher, and reading three pages of description for something that I was just informed was indescribable.

******* As GOD is my witness, I thought there was a gold watch and profit sharing when I got to 10K tweets.

It is almost like if nobody put free content on the internet, there would be nothing here but peaceful serenity.

******* If I could physically walk down the social media sidewalk, I would wear a shirt that said " I don't think that word means what you think it does" with the appropriate Mandy Patinkin / Inigo Montoya/ Princess Bride meme. Of course, I would be lucky to only be beaten and maimed.

******** Just like Everyday can be Laundry Day, if you believe....so exists performance art. Look around you. Watch the news. This is the part of the show where I discredit myself so I can maintain control of both sides of the narrative. YOU ARE LIVING IN A WORLD OF WEAPONIZED ABSURDITY. A world , where if you stay in your lane, everything is normal. If you believe one thing, that's fine. If you believe the other, hey, you have that option....but over here,every batshit crazy thing you ever heard of may actually be true. So you have a world of Love, if you choose ....a world of black and white and shades of grey...and down this rabbit hole is Hell.

But it is engineered well....Most are led to fight for what is worst for them. Most think it isn't them.

******** Ask questions only if you are willing to hear the answers.

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Everything has always been bullshit. We just get used to it and can't smell it anymore...until that new scent comes along.
Out with the old, in with the new.

******* I like social media because under no circumstances can I possibly be the smartest person in the room.

******* Politicians and government officials in a "Free" country love for their constituents to think they are stupid. That is how they get away with it.

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I once had to inspect an abandoned rural home that had weeds 10 feet tall. I was almost through with the inspection when I heard and felt a wasp, thigh high, in my pants leg .

Needless to say, the wasp drowned.

Your body will protect itself by any means necessary.

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But what do I know...I was once sent to do a job I couldn't do because of goats.

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Have a good day

Mark Burkenbine

I used to bowl, but I'm not bitter

-Art of Chasing-

In an impossible situation

The act of chasing a dream

May be the dream.

Live love. Love to live.

Embrace consequences.

There are none

Without action.

Mark Burkenbine , 2017

If I could physically walk down the social media sidewalk, I would wear a shirt that said " I don't think that word means what you think it does", with the appropriate Mandy Patinkin/Inigo Montoya meme. Of course, I would be lucky to only be beaten and maimed.

Beats

My Wife noticed I hadn't shaved in awhile,  and asked if I'd grow a soul patch.
I said I can't grow hair on my feet.
She said under my lower lip.
You mean like Dobie Gillis?
Who is Dobie Gillis?
He was a beatnik on a tv show played by Bob Denver, before Gilligan .

What's a beatnik?
I said Kerouac. Burroughs?

Anyway, I'm only early 50s. I don't know how I knew this, but I may grow a soul patch, because my life makes sense now.

I think I identify as a beatnik. A fictional beatnik.

Seems like a great time to read a good book. The mood feels right to catch up with The Gulag Archipelago
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When times are rough, you will hear people talk about our differences like it is a bad thing.

Perhaps, life is meant to be conflicted?  Where are we without resolve, respect, and empathy?

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Did anyone else feel humor leave the room?  Best thing you can do is leave with it. Offer to walk it home.