Like Magic

I've worked my ass off
I've thought my ass off.
I've practiced my ass off.
I've drove my ass off.
         All for nothing ?....but wait. 
I need suspenders because I have NO ASS. Be very careful with your words and actions. You will get what you strive for.

A war is over before the fighting

Sabers rattle loudly but how many can hear? It's much like a dog whistle, the early onslaught...   it happens on so many seemingly imperceivable fronts, and it walks slowly to your gates and just strolls in. Blood is spilled eventually. One side screams "it is war". Another side screams "it is change". But all see the same monster too late.
Mark Burkenbine , 2018

Future is so bright I gotta wear hades

In a few years we will have affordable home DNA splicing and home 3D printers. I asked myself what I would build first and only one thing came to mind. I am going to make a car with chameleon Venus flytraps built in on the hood and around the windshield to keep the bugs off. You wont be able to see them but know they are there.    Of course, we will still have air -in- the -tires technology cause the Jetsons flying car is too farfetched.
-Mark Burkenbine

Keep it on a leash.

My Je ne sais quoi got out of the fence. Have to find it before animal control does or it gets hit by a truck again 

Natural Causes

I don't think I've ever had a tire that didn't give me it's all until the bitter end.   Yesterday,  we lost Driver-rear to what can only be called 'natural causes'.   Donations in the name of Driver-Rear can be sent to the Natural Causes Foundation.   Maybe one day there will be a cure.

Mark Burkenbine , 2018

How are you?

The money pit

Time to make those miracles happen.
You know the ones
That free money falling from the sky
Or that extra job or three
Cause working hard is the only way up
Or is that working smart?
- cause you have to make it while you sleep to make 'enough' or you are or aren't getting by
And you know paying debt is how someone else makes it while they sleep.
Off to work we go.

Method

You have to fight
For the right
Way to communicate 

all the capitalism I need...

i just want to make enough money to walk up to random strangers and hand them heads of lettuce without this activity cutting into my refrigerator door collection
I wrote this in 2016. 
I feel like such a capitalist.
-Mark Burkenbine

Nourishment

Food for thought.

That explains a lot. 

That awkward moment...

When you are next in the drive thru  line
and the sky goes dark, temperature drops
And wind comes from behind,  shaking your car
Tornadoes could pop up anywhere
But chicken fried steak meal for $2.49 Is today's special, and probably not going to the store
And that lady 3 cars back is terrified , her face is red....and she's not leaving either.
Once you place that order...You are obligated.
Mark Burkenbine
Kansas. 2018
#Tornado #Weather

People come here for the Weather

I'm from central Kansas. This time of year is our busy tourist season. You can always tell who the newbies  are...pulling over to take pictures of our latest prize winning crop of  tornadoes. Jim Cantore has a spring home nearby, next to a trailer park. Trailer parks are like fishing lures for tornadoes

#Tornado #Weather

Persuasion

Trying to succeed with no persuasion technique, part 87.

Some people dream in black and white...

'Get Stupid'

The goal of alcohol, I was told by friends, is to drink til you 'get stupid.'
I told them I'll be dead before that happens. I have charts.  I checked the math.
So I drink 'til I'm sleepy. And I drink alone.
-Mark Burkenbine , 2018

Remember. The greatest accomplishment of incalculable evil is to hang on to receive full benefits.

Fashion Police

Leaving  the store yesterday
Some guy says it's too cold for shorts
I say not for me, I've got hair on my balls
But I couldn't stop thinking it would've  been funnier
If he said it's too cold for shorts
And everyone  was wearing pants
-Mark Burkenbine  2018

hmmm

Hi.  

I am not a narcissist. I merely play one on the internet and have a propensity to randomly act out this character in public. I find it humorous to be the only one in on the joke, and don't really care what people think of me. 

For those in the KNOW

I have one ear that sets lower than the other, and one that sets back farther. If I ever have my glasses on perfectly straight, alert Starfleet command. I have been cloned, and modified.

Brown Paper Bag

In years past, the most powerful cloaking device the average human had was called The Brown Paper Bag.  You could put anything in it, and it was available at any store. It was complete guesswork to figure out what was in it.   
How ironic that in today's United States, that only a liquor store seems to use this 'trickery'.
(Often), as I leave a Kansas liquor store and am asked if I would like a bag, I chuckle to myself and answer "why yes, please disguise my immoral and self centered purchase in its costume....as I leave a place that can only sell one thing, and only has this one bag."     Then I dance to my car, knowing nobody can possibly know what is in the bag. This Magical Brown Bag that SCREAMS nothing to see here.
--Mark Burkenbine , 2018

What's on your mind?

It always asks the same question.
It's always the same answer.
Cerebrospinal fluid.
I will post this and it will ask again.
It's maddening.
-Mark Burkenbine 2018

It's too late by the time you see it....

Once you recognize Absurdity
it sees you as well.
You can't fight it
there is nothing to win
plenty to lose
Absurdity will let you join in
Heck, it wants you to bring a friend
Absurdity always has something
To sell
but nothing to prove

Mark Burkenbine 2018

and I quote

Joe Frank died yesterday . May he rest in peace.

Toast

Poor Man
watching the grandkids
Kids say
Grandpa -can we play with the toys
Grandpa says
I don't have any toys
Kids say
Grandpa
-can we play with the animals
Sorry kids
I dont have any animals
kids are dejected
Wait ...says grandpa
You can play with the slices of bread
but don't name them

Cause grandpa did not want them to have an existential crisis
over the BLT he was planning to fix them for breakfast

if Mom and Dad found out, Grandpa would be toast

Mark Burkenbine  2018