Busted out the old footwear, and the cane.

 

 As serious as things are, I still find myself smiling. 

Unsustainable.

 Temporarily lost my shit today. 

I think it was understandable. 

Doctor changed my bp meds a few weeks ago, and for damn good reason. 

But my legs have been blowing up, ever since. So another change may have to be made.

Today, they blew up, then suddenly blew up again. Painfully so.

I don't think I lost my shit as much as, my body told my brain to lose my shit. 

Got that under control as well as I could. 

So I got to Walmart to get compression socks, but couldn't get them on my foot. I got extra large. 

Wouldn't go. I only have a size 8 foot, normally. 

So I took another water pill. Turned on the a/c. That helped with breathing. Allergies, a slight panic attack from sudden pain, and heart problems are not a good combination. 

Kills me to pay for that a/c when it's not that hot. 

Took naproxen and had a drink. That helped with the immediate pain. Which calmed me down considerably. But that temporary solution is the title of the post. Had dinner. Went to bed early.

Slept for 6 hours. Woke up and put on the compression socks. Now it's 4 AM. Hopefully, I get another nap in this morning before I take meds again and spend another 6 hours in the porcelain prison. 

I remember when I actually did things. I also remember the migraines, when I was a kid curled up in a ball, in the corner of a dark room, vomiting from the pain and the light show in my vision. I used to be afraid I would never get out of that place in my head.  Now, that place is my saving grace. Not sure anyone could ever understand all this. The key to remember is, you don't have to. 

Nobody has to understand anything.  

I write with appreciation and love, 

Mark

Final chapters that I hope take 30 years to complete LOL

 It's getting harder to communicate.    Physically. Verbally. Mentally.   Health is not good.

I think of my family 24/7.       

I don't think people understand that time is subjective. 

I don't even know how to explain it. 

 Existential?     I'm seeing things in slow motion.  By that, I mean, I'm seeing things slower, and seeing so much farther ahead, and behind. And it's all now.   It's a good thing, but I'm not making great communication with my family and grandkids. 

I see them in my dreams, so I don't notice the sands of time...

The dreams are weird by MY standards. Waking up is now a cakewalk, compared to the sleeping. I'm working triple time, but it looks like nothing. It feels like I am everywhere, all the time.   And I think that's a good way to be. 

So much more...