New, Used, Recycled isms and blurbs

 Just watched a video of a man successfully trapping a gator in a trash cart. What a world we live in. And what a skill to add to the toolkit.

My wife and I are playing a deadly game of Laundry Chicken. I can make it another day....CAN YOU !. #stupidtax #needmorequarters

My lifetime branding strategy is silent but lingering. You may not even know I was there until I am gone.

Lots of number games out there. Statistically speaking, we all die. All other stats are tainted by the human that produced them.

I'll say it again. In real life, there are many Bond villains. There is even a Hall of Doom, of sorts. There is no Hero.

As I watch the world go to hell in a hand basket, I wonder what it is like to have a comfy chair.

It seems like something one must earn, and I must have failed.

Is national daughters day only celebrated on Facebook? I took a few weeks off of it and now I am afraid for my life, because nobody on twitter told me.

Wife is experimenting with air frying texas toast to go with lasagna for our anniversary dinner. Garlic cheese is the best air freshener ever. I'd say she may get lucky tonight, but last time we had a "moment", we realized it wasn't the bed squeaking, it was my knee.

Occupation- I am licensed to have a cart outside the Sanctum Sanctorum to sell Wong tuna melts.

I remember that time in Kansas City rush hour, when the truck in front of me swerved and I was staring down a full size couch in the middle of the road at 60 mph. It was a nice couch, not the usual stuff you see on a highway in bumper to bumper traffic.

Yesterday, in a small southern Midwestern town, an SUV passed us with a loveseat strapped to the luggage rack. I giggled, but my wife didn't flinch and said the king sized bed on top of the VW Bug in Columbia is still the winner.

Kind of on the subject, I'd like to point out the speed limit used to be 55, then 60, 65, 70, 75 depending on the road you are on. Every time speeds increase, expect a brief period of adjustment on how to tie down the trailer or pickup loads.

I'm trying to figure out how to teach myself the culinary arts when I sleepwalk. cause when I wake up and feel like I didn't sleep it would be nice to open the frig to tasty surprises and know that hedonistic reprobate ne'erdowell at least got the cooking done.

To be fair, hedonistic reprobate ne'erdowell is a harsh way to refer to my sleepwalking self. I don't know what that guy does. For all I know, he goes to bible study or is learning to code.

Maybe that sleepwalking self is a better person than me, a tired, broken man at a keyboard. Maybe I am the nightmare sleepwalking me is trying to escape...sleepwalking me just wants the good life and wants to secede from this union...( Hulk TV theme plays in background)

Perfect speed is when you have time for something good to happen - after things have gone all wrong Think of life as driving on ice

One of my better shorter stories I described the character as a succubus, when it is a male character and it should be an incubus. I guess I can play it as edgy instead of stupid.

My Je ne sais quoi got out of the fence. Have to find it before animal control does or it gets hit by a truck again

The easily dismissed always end up surprising

Years ago, I indicated the future of stand up comedy is sit down philosophy... and now we have lockdowns and such.

I was once sent to an unhappy customers residence. He immediately asked me if I knew why he had 9 guard dogs I said "no". He said "because bullets don't turn corners". It's quite the icebreaker.

"God is in my life as much as yours", says the polite atheist to the devout family member.

If only the use of persuasion stopped at the acceptable good.

Many stupid things are brilliant when you realize the purpose was not what it seemed.