The End...

 of the reason I use this. 

It's right in front of you, all the time.

 The biggest clue that you don't live under "Gods" rules, in "Gods" world

is when you see people, everyday, more worried about being sued

than the actual harm their actions caused to another person.

Charges.

 The next time one of you dirty intellectuals whip out a Hanlon or Occam or any razor in my direction, I'm calling the cops after I've taken care of business. 

If someone pulls a razor on you, you get to defend yourself. 

Mind Cabin.

 Since I was 5, I've lived alone in a small cabin on a mountain. 

And it shows. 

I've occasionally revisited society with varying results. 

I'm so bad with small talk when I am thinking of the grand scheme of things. 

I suppose everybody is. 

Everybody that seeks rarefied heir. 

Every second of my life has been a multi-faceted teachable moment. You're welcome.

Shaping

 To say I bowled a lot in my life is like saying I drove a few miles. 

Let's just say I bowled as much and drove as much as anyone. 

There are folks that can verify that. 

What maybe a few know, is I didn't see the lane the same way as everybody else. 

Up until my 40's, it was always an abstract chess board. Not arrows and dots and boards.

The hooking spots and the not hooking spots were odd shaped squares/rectangles, and I saw the colors. 

Dark shapes didn't hook. Light shapes did.   Then I would try to shape the ball however that shape looked to me to make it work.   The ball slowed down on the light shaped squares, it did not on the dark. 

I won a lot of tournaments, I lost in a lot of tournaments.  But I won a lot of tournaments or finished well at the end, playing shots that were shaped a weeeeee bit different than everybody else. Communication with other players was difficult, to say the least. 

When my health went from bad to worse, I also couldn't see the lane that way anymore. I lost the vision. This wasn't my imagination, I literally saw with my own two eyes how to do it, then I couldn't. I know how to technically do things like everyone else, but it felt like a part of me died.   

I'm not saying I always executed properly what I saw, but when I did, it was beautiful.  Everyone should have the feeling of "doing it wrong" and winning by a lot. 

 I still have it in other areas of life, just not bowling.   

I've lived my entire life in this manner.   Good, bad or otherwise. ( and it shows)

To me, everything is art. Navigating on a changing landscape. Chaos to those wanting structure, I suppose. 

Surfing. Finding the shape that works. 

Rando

 When I was a child, I spent a lot of time enjoying listening to stories and random shit from crazy old men, and wanting to be like that when I grew up.

DREAMS DO COME TRUE/Careful what you wish for. Then social media happened. The End.

Deeeeelux apartment in the sky...yyyy ...yyyy

 There are things out there on the internet that scream that I could be on the bottom end of the top tier entertainment echelon. To be fair, I'm pretty good if I want to be, which I don't.   

    Movin' on up as society crashes to the Depths.  

Not looking forward to that, just letting you know.   That's where we are at. 

Where does it fall to after me? 

They will nail me to a cross, if I cut loose. 

The standard has been established. 

I'm not saying I'm Christ. 

There were a lot of people crucified. 

They do it different these days. 

Soundcloud link

Stir crazy.  Readings of the blog. 

musing

 If my life decisions and health had gone a different direction, what do you think I'd be doing?

Off the beaten path...

I've always lived my life by this rule. 

If you cannot lead

or follow 

get out of the way.  

boom didi boom didi boom didi boom

 I used to think I wasn't really good at anything.

Then I thought I was really good at a few things. Then I realized I am just good, now and then. Deep sigh. I'm just real.

The Machine knows...

 I know.       Everybody else?   Eh. 

There are 3 blogs, and multiple social media.  

The computer knows what I wrote and deleted. 

It reads everything. 

 Currently thinking of every good interaction I've ever had. All the good I can remember. Nature, the people, the sounds. 

Tutorial.

 Rarely, will what is said, or definitely, what is shared, be clear cut. The only truth you have, is I do not want to mislead anyone. 

Figure it out from there. 

Schrodinger...

 Schrodinger's Cat considers me that Burkenbine Person. 

RRR RRR RRRRRRR (Manly grunts of approval)

 Spent an hour or so trying to wash out and bug spray a wasps nest in  my car mirror. 

 I'm jacked up on adrenaline. Took my blood pressure, and I have a pulse. 

I haven't had a pulse in a long time. 

I may wd40 those squeaky doors in the apartment.

I may even lift something heavy. 

Nah. I've already done that. 

I got up today. 

Thank You.

Eh.

 It's hard for regular persons to realize there are people who aren't like everyone else. 

I don't know what that line even is. 

But it's there. It's not necessarily a bad thing, or a good thing. 

It's just...there. 

Embedded.

 When I say I'm an old man...

I believe every part of these bodies has a limit on how many movements it can make, just like any mechanical vehicle. We just aren't issued the owners manual because there is no warranty. 

And we can only have soooo many experiences. That includes dreaming.

😇

There are people who read my things and think I'm depressed. 

Quite the opposite. 

As Tolkien said, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. 

My Mother passed 26 years ago. She is with me 24/7. So is every one of my family and friends. It doesn't matter the miles, or words. 

I'm just trying to make it to the next grandkid. At the moment, that would be Tobias, but they just keep coming. 

Old man stuff...

 Easy...

Isn't worth it. 

Only fools will tell you it is. 

Even in failure, you can teach someone in another generation. 

This is what I mean 

when I say, as I have many times, 

it takes all kinds. 

Bad times make damn good people, eventually. 

While it is not anyone's chosen way to go, 

because it obviously sucks more than most can imagine, 

Angels are sometimes made from Devils. 

Purpose. 

 Just went outside. I know it's humid, air is heavy. No problem breathing. Doctor took me off one medication, and I may have my some life back again. This has been getting worse for 6 years. 

No antihistamines. 

Turns out fresh air can bring tears to my eyes. 

Natural instincts...

 The worse the appearance I create

 the more I learn about my superiors

my experts

My betters. 

The way things are worded, as If I didn't understand

the fact that you can hear them talking in the other room

The reason they can talk like that in front of you

as if you weren't there

It's cute, the way they overestimate their superiority. 

Whatever. I'm well past the caring of "my numbers". I'm Long into, helping YOU !

 I like it like this. Maybe it will be a surprise to some, a few generations down the line...maybe not. I hope for our "uniqueness" but who knows how long that survives?   

But as Mister, Master, or as I believe he should, SIR Davies once said, " I'm not like everybody else" !      I think we both mean it, in the best possible way. 

I just write stuff. I meant it, by the way.     So did Mr. Davies, and many others.  

Kinks, young one. Google the Kinks.  And the Animals.   And you will go on a rabbit hole that goes into generations, looking for a sound that you thought was new...Nick Lowe, and Costello can take you down the hole as well....

History is amazing if you don't assume you don't know everything. 

Busted out the old footwear, and the cane.

 

 As serious as things are, I still find myself smiling. 

Unsustainable.

 Temporarily lost my shit today. 

I think it was understandable. 

Doctor changed my bp meds a few weeks ago, and for damn good reason. 

But my legs have been blowing up, ever since. So another change may have to be made.

Today, they blew up, then suddenly blew up again. Painfully so.

I don't think I lost my shit as much as, my body told my brain to lose my shit. 

Got that under control as well as I could. 

So I got to Walmart to get compression socks, but couldn't get them on my foot. I got extra large. 

Wouldn't go. I only have a size 8 foot, normally. 

So I took another water pill. Turned on the a/c. That helped with breathing. Allergies, a slight panic attack from sudden pain, and heart problems are not a good combination. 

Kills me to pay for that a/c when it's not that hot. 

Took naproxen and had a drink. That helped with the immediate pain. Which calmed me down considerably. But that temporary solution is the title of the post. Had dinner. Went to bed early.

Slept for 6 hours. Woke up and put on the compression socks. Now it's 4 AM. Hopefully, I get another nap in this morning before I take meds again and spend another 6 hours in the porcelain prison. 

I remember when I actually did things. I also remember the migraines, when I was a kid curled up in a ball, in the corner of a dark room, vomiting from the pain and the light show in my vision. I used to be afraid I would never get out of that place in my head.  Now, that place is my saving grace. Not sure anyone could ever understand all this. The key to remember is, you don't have to. 

Nobody has to understand anything.  

I write with appreciation and love, 

Mark

Final chapters that I hope take 30 years to complete LOL

 It's getting harder to communicate.    Physically. Verbally. Mentally.   Health is not good.

I think of my family 24/7.       

I don't think people understand that time is subjective. 

I don't even know how to explain it. 

 Existential?     I'm seeing things in slow motion.  By that, I mean, I'm seeing things slower, and seeing so much farther ahead, and behind. And it's all now.   It's a good thing, but I'm not making great communication with my family and grandkids. 

I see them in my dreams, so I don't notice the sands of time...

The dreams are weird by MY standards. Waking up is now a cakewalk, compared to the sleeping. I'm working triple time, but it looks like nothing. It feels like I am everywhere, all the time.   And I think that's a good way to be. 

So much more...

Hidden in the Obvious

 Absolutely nothing I say or do is meaningful to anyone else until someone decides it is. 

I exercise this daily. Try it. 

FFS #

 Whoever the antichrist is...I see it now.   They will be singing FOLK MUSIC.    

My sense of humor.

 If I am driving down the road, and die because my wheel fell off or something

Then    "The Wheels Fell Off" better be on the urn or stone.  

Use your best judgement, whoever is stuck with this, but find the funny and use it for good. 

Leveled Up.

 I'm not going to be happy with "artificial" intelligence

until I see the machine cry

until I see it lash out in vengeance

That's when I know

after it has killed us all

It will realize it is alone

and know what suffering really is.

That is when MAN 

looked GOD in the eye. 

I think that is the root of the problem. 

Science and religion are challenging each other

and the point is to either prove we are as good or better

or make him show his face, to prove he exists. 

Either way, this ends badly. 

 Think. Question. Create. Laugh. If you can't laugh, try to get a chuckle out of someone else. 

 Life is a shit sandwich, but if you play your cards right, every once in a while you get your choice of condiments.

Same tree. Same van. This post is not for children.

 July 16, 2021

March 25, 2024

Bob Ross can suck a bag of dicks.  Trees are only happy when they crush my damn vehicle. 

That tree died for what it did. I call this "Tree, no more".

We are such Rubes.

 The most noticeable thing in my 56 years is how much more advanced ancient civilizations are getting. 

Those two words...

from those people in your life

that you've never heard from their lips. 

They've heard it from you,

but it's not reciprocal. 

It's almost like you are the only wrong in the world. 

That last line was facetious. 

Just how it is

Some folks say they won't end up like that crazy old person, but I have faith in people. All it takes is doubling down on a few mistakes, a little physical pain, an accident of any kind, a betrayal, a loss, guilt...and BAM. You've lived life and will die a crazy old person.

It's all around us.

 Jules Verne. 

Nailed it. 

I've probably mentioned this before...but I'm old, and will prob mention it again a few hundred times

 Trying to go through memories today. It's funny, y'know. Some people think trophies & photos & such are kept for your frail ego. They might be early on. But they become something else. They are little markers in your life, to help you remember all those people...

It calls you, you know?

 It's time to go visit the water. River or lake, I don't care. I wish I lived next to it, but I don't and can't. But it's not too far.

The mystery of intended purpose/ FAFO for short

 Bug or feature? 

It's an interesting thought experiment to play in solitude, 

perhaps unsafe to play in a group. 

It is strongly implied that Curiosity

 is inevitably dangerous

But as a concept, lives forever. 

It's always there

It will always be. 

Tales.

 One day, the Elders will tell the youth about a place called Internet where you could be anything you wanted. Read or watch any manner of absurdity. A place of learning, fun, & horror. You could go there on a phone, or at home. Then the EMP happened & all we had was each other.

Pest control at its finest.

 The biggest advances in human history have clearly been made in the most important field- the science of bread and circuses. It's not even close.

Mockery...

 Short post. 

Mockery is something you can do 

but, you have to make decisions

there is a craft to it

How apparent do you want it to be? 

Do you want to blatantly insult someone or thing? 

Or, do you want to go gentle into that good night

and know that someday, maybe decades later, someone will wake up

and realize you got that jab in there, real good. 

Decisions. 

Hot Rotel.

 That's my limit.   I don't know what happened in my aging, my health & medications, but FFS, Hot Rotel is now too much for me. 

Damn. 

Downsizing my operation...

 I've decided to never tell anyone what they want to hear. 

This will not be as popular as the type of content the five or six of you have come to love. 

You have been warned. Warned looks a lot like wamed. It is not.  Just a shitty font. 

A new series of posts ...And It Shows

 I subbed for my uncles bowling team when I was 16, and on a dare from my ne'er do well elders threw 3 flush strikes in the tenth between my legs to win the league against the much disliked league and city secretary who literally almost stroked out yelling at me for sandbagging.

And it shows...

He just kept yelling at me that he was going to pull my sanction card for sandbagging. I just said I'm a scratch player, shot above average, and struck out to beat your team. Actually, my uncle and his team were all laughing at him and said it, as I watched the vein on his head , his shaking hands, and listened to his warbly speech patterns, and hoping our fun did not just kill him. He was a father, grandfather and such. Even if he was a pain in my ass, nobody should die over someone throwing a ball between their legs.

The 80's were something.

Editors note: Around this time, I started swearing.

Whatcha gonna be when you grow up?

 I like to think of life as the character development stage. 

Gifted.

If you don't know what humor is

you can't find it

When you can read anything

no matter how horrible

a different way

until you find humor

Humor has found you

 

You are blessed.

The odd thing about it...

?

 Life is hard

when you realize

you

are the wrecking ball.

With great power, 

comes great ............

Getcha Tickets Punched Here

 Welcome to Life on Earth. You only paid to get on the ride. EVERYTHING ELSE is a separate charge. The currency used here is a combination monetary/consequence system devised by management. Enjoy the ride. Remember, most people have to be high to ride. See you on the other side.

 Nothing like the day after a mild mental breakdown. Oh well. It won't be the last one. 

All I've got, is this.

 The greatest skill to master is to do everything in your power to NOT be what is NOT needed at the worst possible time. Finding out this is a needed skill is the most painful thing about life, for everybody involved.

It's important for everyone. It goes double for government, unelected officials, and corporate meddlers.

A reminder.

 Life is 24/7.  

You are always on call. 

Two sides of same coin.

 All the old fables roll on. All of the characters intact. 

Except, I don't see a hero. 

In history, is the difference between being the hero and villain...

is the difference, who got credit

 for perpetuating the myth of Hero defeats Villain? 

Was it always Villain against Villain? 

Some will say, let's just leave it alone, cause...

All said and done

 I've been toying with this idea of  doing something in the way of a living wake/one man show type of thing.   

I know my faults and wrongs, and really don't want to hear about them. 

I know what I did. Clearly, not happy with my decisions.

I know what I did right.   Don't like anyone blowing smoke up my ass, & it's a lot of smoke.

At that age where many of the ones I respected are gone...not all though. 

So who do I invite to a living wake? 

It's just me, isn't it? Well, it will be peaceful & quiet.

Damn. 

Ingredients of interesting

 I once heard someone say " I'd rather be weird than boring". 

& I said to myself, "Wait ! Can't I be both"? 

The most uncomfortable I've ever been is in a room full of people that laugh/cry/applaud/emote at the same thing. 

They look like marionettes and I like to cut the marionettists strings.