Yes, we here AT the ATB  really like our coffee and offer full disclosure. There may be a caffeine problem.                             Not much to hide here.

Sprayed by a skunk.  Hit a deer at 70 mph.  The fun, the fantasy and the consequences of crazy eyed women . I have hit a parked semi, a bridge, and a car next door.  The idiocy that leads me to find out about my red ink allergy (some things SHOULD leave a mark so I must accept this) The couch in the middle of downtown traffic. The head in the ditch as the trooper waved me to pass the accident on the highway. The wrong way car on the interstate 3 different times.
 Antifreeze, copper , medicine and other chemical reactions.

I hit a bat and it was stuck in my windshield wipers. (anyone can hit a deer)

The year my taxes were turned in with the decimal in the wrong place- computer dies- dog dies- and daughter breaks arm skating-all in a day or so.
I have had the power go out during a bowling tournament I was doing well in twice.
I had the lightbulb explode in the pin area over my lane at a tournament, spraying fine glass over the entire 10 lane center. I think I struck ....
I have had a radiator cap imprint 'do not remove while hot' in my forehead. Got 2nd degree burns on my hand  out of that one.
I have seen a trombone case fly out my closed back window while I was getting in the drivers seat.

 I saw my dog run over in front of me. The crazy grandma stories. I climbed things but I was afraid of heights, leading to many a trip to the emergency room. I'd get my head stuck in the gate. At 4 I ran away and fell asleep in neighbors boat- search party ensues.  Stuck things in electrical sockets often.

Do not spit on anyone-it is wrong to do and  you have NO IDEA how far reaching the consequences can be.

The alligator in the lake that nobody believed was there.

A thousand stories of  various hotel, travel ,bowling, work and life's oddities in general.    My life may be a little fuller than I thought.

I now enjoy an occasional moment of boredom.

--Mark Burkenbine

Looking back over my life, I think of the memorable moments. Here is just one.

I was walking home one night, in town, and was sprayed by a skunk. I was 15, and it was 2 am.  I heard a rustling noise next to the sidewalk, and I yelled at the little dog I thought was going to bite me. Then something odd happened. It ran across my feet and I heard  "phisht phisht"  and I was sprayed in the face and body, point blank. Then I realized that may not have been a dog. I screamed bloody murder, even chased it.  Eyes were burning. Nose was burning. Mouth was burning.

I walked another 15 blocks to a store my friend worked at. I opened the door and the wind came up behind me....and everyone in that gas station was yelling at me to get out and close the door.  A police officer asked me (from a distance) what I was doing out waaay past curfew.  The officer  couldn't decide whether  to laugh or vomit, so he had my friend call my mother to come get me.  

During all of this, I couldn't smell it.  I didn't understand...it had done something to my sense of smell. I guess that's what happens when you are hit in the face with it.   Overall, there must be worse things to be hit in the face with.  Everyone has there preferences and a moment in time when they decide where their line is.  For me, skunk is still preferable to some other options.

My mother arrived, and started yelling at me from the car and then it hit her.  Vomit was the option she took. She then rolled all the windows down and made me sit in the back. "oh my God, damn, oh my God" she chanted all the way home.

I think she wanted me in the trunk but the officer was looking from a safe distance.   Glad mom went to church, cause I think at that point in time, the officer would've looked the other way. If he found a pontiac in the country with two holes in the trunk ,buried in a landfill, he would've testified on her behalf with sympathy for the condition.

They all had that dead to me look, like I did something to them they wouldn't ever be able to wash off. It is a look I have seen several times in my life.

I was still pissed when I was told to take my clothes off in the garage, and wrap up in the old towels. She wanted me wrapped head to toe in dry towels to dampen the smell on my way downstairs. I guess to keep the smell from permeating through the house.  This did not work. The tomato juice was already in the shower in the basement.  Why was I being persecuted by everyone?  I scrubbed and scrubbed, but it was a month before that smell faded.  Mom went to work the next day, exhausted. At least she said she went to work. She may have just got the hell out of the house that she tried so hard to keep clean.

I knew when we got that new house with the white carpet that it was trouble.

Now the house smelled of skunk, and I don't know how long it was like that.  Kids picked on me forever, but they always picked on me. No big deal. Kids can be cruel. It is a good thing I grew up being a forgiving person.

Bastards.

I, to this day, do not find the smell of skunk offensive at all.  I  can tell you how many there are and what county they are in based on the strength and direction of the wind.

Kids!  Be home by curfew. Things CAN happen.

or maybe it's just me?

Have a good morning and Thank you for your time.

Mark Burkenbine

Gooooood morning loyal reader, friend, enemies,family member , ex's,  stray internet surfers,  debt collectors, bot sites and neighboring home owner association members.  Hope all is well.

A few years ago this book comes out and seems to make a lot of men happy.  Some guy named Ray or something is the character, spreads joy wherever he goes.   Does it bother anyone that, thanks to Ray, everyone else is thinkin' ....there must be ,50 ways to do your mother?  Slipping out the back ,Jack- may not mean the same thing as it used to.

or maybe it does.

time to lighten up and have a good day

Mark Burkenbine

mark in the middle episode 1

Live, from the spare bedroom office of an undisclosed location, Where a man strives for the highest levels of mediocrity in all facets of life....here he is, The Heart of The Mighty Middle---Mark Burkenbine.
Thank ya very much...how's the weather in your neighborhood?  Ours is just peachy.   My neighbors just put out the birdseed and there are deer in the valley.   Hope your health is good.  I may have to go see someone soon for some bloodwork.  Darn doctors and the healthcare issues.  I am for a nationwide healthcare system, just afraid of how corrupt it could be.  Can anything be more corrupt than an insurance company deciding how you are going to be covered?   Isn't an insurance company really a bookmaker deciding the line and always hedging towards improving the house profits?    How on earth is that a legal and trustworthy business? How did the respected and honorable field of health care get caught up in that?
Granted,  in general, I can't stand big government and its meddling. But in its pure sense, our government is us. For the people and by the people.  Of all the businesses out there-our roads, our education, our health care and justice system should be under government. Not private industry for profit.    That is, again, if we believed the government is for the people and by the people.

Just questions.  Hope nobody is upset.  Did  you enjoy your breakfast?  I just had peanut butter toast and coffee. No pie for me today.


Thank you for your time

Mark Burkenbine

mark in the middle episode 2

A very large portion of my life has been on the road.  Detours, vehicle problems and cancelled reservations are old hat. So are family and health issues.   A change of direction as the road in front of me changes is no big deal.

During my travels I have listened to many a political talk show. Lots of left and right. Lots of Extreme left and right.   Not a whole lot of actual sensibility on these shows...just lots of passion. Passion finds you an audience for you to entertain.   Passion by itself does not get extreme legislation turned into law.

But the passionate ones are loud and make a presence known. Everyone can see and feel the emotion.  They write more letters to the elected officials. They try to get things done one way or another, but they can't succeed.

I want to start a show about the Mighty Middle.   The passionate people on the left and right can scream til they are blue in the face, but they cannot win anything. Not Really.   The middle controls everything, it just takes a lot to get there attention. Everything is no big deal until the 300 Million in the middle decide it is.  Moderation wins until everyone is pissed. When everyone is upset, then there is fighting in the streets.  Everywhere.

I am from the middle of the country. My political leaning is like a flag blowing in the wind. I listen to the arguments and pay attention. I am right up the middle.  Heck, my middle is even getting larger. Must be the pie.

The middle is often accused of having a short attention span. Attention deficit disorder. It cannot fixate. The reality is the middle  just doesn't care. The argument was not persuasive enough or based on enough fact. It was a passion play. The passionate ones stamp there feet and have a hissy fit, as they pack there clothes and plan to run away.

The fight is with the extremes. The middle laughs at the entertainment of it all, or gets angry for a moment then laughs at the tug of war.  Then, just before it gets crazy, The Mighty Middle becomes the Angry Middle.  The MIddle is what puts the foot down and stops the insanity.  Nothing changes until the middle says it must change.

I am going to finish my pie and my cup of coffee and mow the lawn.  That would be my show. Callers can call in and talk about the crazy talk on the other show, and then we can talk about the difference and the upsides of apple pie, as opposed to rhubarb.   Coffee. That will be where the conversation will get heated.  Straight black or with cream? Chain coffee shop or local? Make it at home or drive thru?  Brazillian or Seattle?   My goodness, that would be exciting. I would then have to ask if they water the plants in the evening or in the morning?

Have a good one

Thank you for your time--Mark Burkenbine

Gooood Morning Everybody!   How are you feeling?    If you are up to the task, I will take you through this special short bus class to building a blog for money.   By following my advice you will be well on your way to clicks by the DOZENS. 

Your only main criteria is to be in the UN category.  Undecided, Unsettled, Unclassified, Unreal making you Unbelievable. Unloving, Unorthodox, Under pressure, Unsocial, untrained. Unprofessional.

Under the weather, Unintentional.


It seems neither I, nor my BLOG can be categorized. This is bad for marketing.  If I somehow become a real brand, then this is suddenly a good thing.   

I may be coming down with Bloggers flu. It is brought about by bouts of crippling honesty that lead to everyone thinking the posts are about them. In my reality everything is always about me, not you.


Unforgettable. Unstoppable ?

 I have only just BegUN.
  
Have a great weekend

Mark Burkenbine

Another one in the books....They can't all be winners.