"Thank you for listening to my silent radio serial with your eyes." -Says the quiet man who wants to collect refrigerator doors.

Trivial

 I've spent the last 30ish years mostly bald and clean shaven. 

I decided to actually let my hair grow where it may. Never had a beard or mustache. 

Didn't even know what color the hair would be. ( lotta red and grey with the brown). 

Thought I'd give it six months, but told anyone who asked that I'd never cut my hair again. 

Seriously, I just wanted to at least look like I was as old and cranky as I felt every once in a while.

The other morning before my shower, my wife said I have achieved the look. 

Mission accomplished. 

When someone knocks on the door unannounced and before you have showered, is it too much to ask that the person should be able to look at you and realize they have made an error in judgement?   I don't think so. 

I've got until the end of January to make my decision. I'm keeping tabs on maintenance costs and grooming time. Buzzing my head with shears was 10 minutes every 3 weeks.   Seems I'm using more shampoo.  I haven't owned a comb in decades. Somebody told me there are beard trimming kits and "product".     Seems to defeat the purpose. I'm really not that precious. 

We shall see. I like feeling my hair in the wind, and the reception is much better than it used to be. Stations are coming in loud and clear.

It might be something else, entirely.  

Shopping.

 If department stores were smart, they would have a sports bar where the wife could check in their mate like it was a kid at the nursery in the bowling alley. You would have to put a limit on the tab, held with a credit card (of course). We don't want anyone skipping out on the collateral. 

What does a concept look like?

 Anyone have a good picture of what winning looks like? You know what I mean? When you get what you want for you, & the world, based on all the obstacles. Ask your leaders this question to determine if they are your leader? Now ask yourself again. Ask your children & neighbors.

Ask your Government. Ask your teachers. Ask your church elders of any faith. Ask your scientists.

After asking many, over a period of time, does your picture of winning...change?

Does "winning" become a poor choice of words? I used it, because there are a lot of people fighting for something.

Ah. The unrelatable life...

 I will add to this as I see fit. 

I have never wanted to be more than that old man that was ignored, but said important things hidden within stories and puzzles and actions that made no sense at the time...

From where I see it, EVERYTHING in this place works exactly as it was meant to. That is both a compliment and a condemnation of the creator. (It's OK. Creators can handle criticism. It's part of the job, and those critics are also part of the project. 

I used to think we all live in our own little world. I now realize most have their little pieces of group think/culture and these people WANT to be like everyone in their group. People in these cultures cannot even imagine another way of CORRECTLY existing.  A very minor example: An adult who can't understand that some people don't keep the same hours that they do, or respect the difference in any way. They want your life to comply with theirs completely.  I'm sure you can see how this escalates into everything else. Oh, wait. To those that think everyone else is doing it wrong, you can't see how any of this works. They don't have to, because they know they are right. You are wrong. 

Control freaks gotta control. 

Sometimes control freaks get confused with people who are just unaware...

I use unaware instead of ignorant, because ignorant gets misused as an insult way too often.

Remember- Not everything written was meant to be read. It was meant to be writ.

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I'm thinking about doing a few posts a week, where I just add things all day.  I've already written so much online, it would take longer than a lifetime to read it all. The way I wrote it would take longer than a lifetime to figure out.  No one will attempt to do it, which I count on. 

I'm not in it for the dopamine.

 I've written more posts than people have pictures these days. 

I've never seen the Truman Show, but I understand. 

I wrote this crap for years before I knew who Fernando Pessoa is, but I understand. 

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Peanut Butter cookies are irresistible. 

My foot hurts.

Cooking all weekend. Now to pay the piper and do dishes.

Somehow, froze everything and forgot to leave anything out for dinner tonight. 

Wife and I somehow scheduled dr appointments on the same day, in different cities. Something has to break. 

I get heartburn from eating peanut butter cookies? What fresh hell is this? 

My mom taught me if I eat more than 6 cookies in a day, I'll die of cookie poisoning. To this day, on the rare day I have a few cookies, I'll wake up in a frenzied state and recount my binge. It's hard to sleep if I'm not sure of the count. I'm sure some of the nonbelievers will think that's funny. 

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I once tried working at a doughnut shop. After a few weeks of third shift making doughnuts in the heat, I was asked to work register also until noon because the cashier quit. My bedroom was in the basement, and I (while sleepwalking during the day)  apparently lined up album covers full of stuff all the way up the stairs and the counter to the kitchen sink and I turned on the hot water to start frying the "Doughnuts". 

My family left them out so I would see them when I woke up.   It would've been a viral video in this day and age.   One of the few jobs I've quit that was approved by family. 

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Have a good day.  I mean that. 

Searching for my best hour...but an hour of what? This will change often

 I will add to this as I see fit.

  I have never wanted to be more than that old man that was ignored, but said important things hidden within stories and puzzles and actions that made no sense at the time...

From where I see it, EVERYTHING in this place works exactly as it was meant to. That is both a compliment and a condemnation of the creator. (It's OK. Creators can handle criticism. It's part of the job, and those critics are also part of the project).

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Perhaps, tomorrow I will save the world by telling someone young it's their job.

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I will never forget that day I found out Peanut Butter was not actually good for you. Betrayal. Middle age has been rough.

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I was sent to Dillons to broker a transaction for 'Turkey Necks' this morning. My instructions were to go to the back, and ask THE GUY if the Turkey Necks are in. If he says yes, push this button on this trac phone ( a burner? I presume)

tell me the price, and I will tell you the quantity. I freaked and blew the deal, when I am almost to the back, and a lady asks if she can help. I say Turkey Necks, and she says, Turkey what? and goes to the back and yells Turkey Necks?

and I hear a yell from A guy (not THE GUY) who yells Turkey WHAT? The kibosh was put on this deal early. I should have only spoken to THE GUY. Supposedly, this is about broth.

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5

Dream a little dream with me

 I had a dream about an odd conversation I actually had at a gas station on an odd adventure to New York that really happened and the dream and the actual trip were very much like a story I would write if I were to describe my entire life. Potholes, dead stops on the highway of life, maintenance, bad expensive pizza, a meaningless but meaningful award, good company, secret agent man, failing but winning because we made it back alive, embarrassment and vomit.

Anyway, I see it as a conversation that I am supposed to remember. It was unlike any other I've ever had. The dream was a reminder.