When writing your web site description, be accurate so you reap the benefits of SEO.

Crap.

All Things Burkenbine, alias Blackie South Eleventh.

The startling story of a man making a lack of direction his niche. Songs with no music( aren't those poems?). Fictional stories with no follow up posted. No follow ups to anything. . Social media posting of his favorite sandwich and snacks. Autobiographical stories and life updates. Drawings from out of the blue. Partial business plans. I think a few of these are meant to be radio shows.Masquerading as variety, All Things Burkenbine and Blackie South Eleventh are purposely meant to bring new meaning to the adult contemporay/ alternative/ Miscellaneous uncategorized category.

All Things Burkenbine.

Conform to know one. Figure out how to be good at what you do.

Make  the unmarketable successful.

Enjoy your job search!

Feelings of Discomfort by Burkenbine

Traditional gifts for  untraditional sentiments.  We all have our Feelings  of Discomfort, why dodge it?  

Unforgettable moments and special issues need cards also.  

Topics include:

Thinking of you

 for neighbors or co workers  -  I see you almost everyday and I really don't like you at all, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Hope things work out for you and your family.

 for the Ex.....I can still feel your love. It burns when I pee.

Thank you notes

Thanks for making dinner. Have you seen sparky?

For your doctor.  Prostate exam--  I'm not sure of the protocol, but , can we be friends?

Wedding

Congratulations!  It will work this time

Memories

Hunting/camping/road trip

"Hey, remember when you drank my spit cup?"

"Hey , remember when you drank my pee cup?"

Apologies

 I didn't know my webcam was on.   Um, I got hacked.  

Infidelity

Roses are red, 

Violets are blue

your real father is the milkman

"Her name is  (insert stripper name), I was drunk.  I don't think I used the babymaker..."

and many other traditional and miscellaneous uncomfortable  topics to choose from. Such as...

"So, is your daughter 21?"

"So , is your wife happily married?"

Same sex--"are you happily married?"

Same sex--"So, I saw you in the restroom. you want to be friends?"

After death of spouse

"Did you have insurance? Would you like to have dinner?  Too soon?"

My personal favorite-

"Honey, that is really hot. Is that a new vibrator?"       "No dear, I found it in that dresser your mother gave us. "

"Nice to meet you. What is your porn name?"

-Slogans can be customized.   Next time you have a Feeling of Discomfort, let it fester a little and pass it around.   

Life is good.

The previous information is a real business that occasionally uses real jokes.  

Mark Burkenbine sometimes is Blackie South Eleventh.   I had a choice of Blackie South 11th, or Ruffie Rural Route 1 for a porn name.

mburkenbine@gmail.com  for information on how to place orders.   

As I spread my holiday cheer throughout the world,
 I think of the things I have to be thankful for.
This morning I am thankful for Amy and her family
, and of course all my kids, father ,brother and friends.
I am thankful I can remember my mother like she is still here.
 I am thankful for everyone's attempt to understand.
 I am thankful for all the chances I have had to experience this wonderful thing called life.
The good and the bad.
 I whine a lot, but It is usually a deadpan joke. I assure you, I have seen a lot more good than bad.

I apologize for the cruel thanksgiving displays of celebration. To those that do not recognize this particular holiday...too bad. Your loss.  For me, it is about being thankful for what you have right now. It doesn't have to be religious or a national day of pride.  Every day can be a thanksgiving for anyone.

...Today, in particular, I am thankful for muscle relaxers, anti inflammatories , tens units, and of course--black coffee and rum.

Yesterday, I broke a sweat eating breakfast.  I am so out of shape, chewing is now my only calorie burning exercise. .    I didn't realize I was going to need a training program to make it through the Thanksgiving dinner marathon. I should've started with the two piece meal at KFC about 6 months ago, and worked my way up to a bucket.    I will have to remember to stretch and hydrate to keep from cramping...start slow.

My new tin can candle and greeting card line.  Feelings of Discomfort.

Search Engine Optimization?  Sounds like another marketing buzzword that someone chases , like searching for gold at the end of a magic rainbow.   A mystical service that promises results, if paid for.

Hashtags.  Does that REALLY work?  Hashtags?

Length of article?   Why should that matter? Isn't that just saying we have a flaw in our system and need a longer article to find you? Why does size matter in authorship?  It is unfortunate for me that I am the character challenged author that cannot seem to fulfill the needs of  the web crawlers.  It is a shame. They just don't know what they are missing. Perhaps I can compensate for my inadequacies by being prolific??

Obviously, I am just a guy that started typing.  I am not trained in any way, shape or form to be a writer or marketer.  I am not a blind follower to anything, but I do enjoy watching the wolves and sheep from a distance.  It is quite amusing.

Maybe all the services and tricks out there make sense in the business world, where you have to be ready to go to any length to manipulate systems, cheat if you can to get ahead.  A business only exists to make money.

hmm.  I am trying to use this blog thing to find what marketable skills I may possess & services I can provide.

Crap.  Maybe I need a marketing firm to take over my little campaign.  

Sleeping with the enemy. Be careful when you question authority, sometimes authority makes you its booty call.



--Mark Burkenbine.  Twerking with Authority.