Church of the Ringin' Ten

Everybody say Yayessss. Good evening to you, brothers and sisters. We are all gathered here today to roll some thundah.... to pound the pocket....to get that ten out and celebrate a few moments of victory, or defeat , with our friends. Our brothers from another mother. Fellow bowlers. Confess your grief. Tell me all about it. Enjoy a cold one. Clear your head until the next session. .....share with us. How do you knock them all down?    
Wouldn't you all love to own a bowling center?   They say the best way to be a millionaire is to buy a bowling alley for 3 million and hope you have one left when you close....

Careful what you wish for
If you work for it, it could be yours
The good, the bad, and the other
The closing of the doors

Where you spend one or two days of the week of your life
I was behind the counter       morning , noon, and nights
Watching the doctors, factory workers, kids
councilmen, teachers and housewifes

You watch the birthday parties, celebrate babies born,
as other customers pass , gone away from your store
Watch friends   fall in love
and some
would surely marry

you raise money for the sick, and the families in states of loss and suddenly poor
and then   in the end   they closed the door
to your bowling alley

A whole community
once spent a day or two
knocking down pins
rolling a ball
 having a beer
a smoke and a burger, talking with friends
The poor mans country club,
The bowling alley was town hall

You listened to the stories and the gossip
bitched about your boss, who bitched about you
 while bowling league on Monday night
It was a little dark and dated...sometimes there would be a little fight
but we kept score for 35 nights
and teaching someone to pick up a ten pin
somehow, made a lot of little wrongs all right

Careful what you wish for
If you do this right
It could soon be all yours
the good , the bad and the other
and the closing of the doors

I spent so many Sundays of this life
bowling for money, trying to strike
In the Church of the Ringing Ten

and As I look back at the good, great and crappy places I have been
There was never a better place to learn about all walks of life
Not where, Not how, and Never When
It was always the place to be taught a lesson
The Gospel
of the Church of the Ringin Ten

but times have changed, it costs a little more
as a machine keeps your score
Building is nice and bright and seems safer now-not sure what for
and the regulars don't come as often , through those automatic doors

Big box center with all the tricks and
its pretty and clean, at least for a little while
Just doesn't make you want to smile
It's just a business now
Now the old alley , it had Character,  Community  & Style

The alley is gone. Time passed it by
machine keeps score
Big box center just doesn't feel like home
Big box center
with machines keeping score
Losing friends takes its toll
That dark ole bowling alley had character
and those characters gave a game and a building a  SOUL

Written , created, and owned by Mark Burkenbine, December 27, 2013
Copyright Mark Burkenbine 2013
http://whatwouldthisbewithoutasong.blogspot.com/

Sometimes I throw excerpts of a story I am writing up on a jpeg so I can just see how I want to present the story.    Plus I love complete randomness.  It is kind of like a blogging tourettes, to go along with a little Aspergers that leads to the blogging. 

Self indulgent.

Well this is an interesting turn for the worse.Not exactly shocking.

The last 3 years have been a blur.    I worked  doing " Field Services". Independent contractor work for  what ended up being several companies.

For occupancy inspections, once a month a large drop of orders populates into a computer program. Depending on your territory, it could be 300...it could be 1000. I had a rural territory, so it was 300. Deadlines vary, but they are usually due in a week. I covered 20-30 counties. You get paid by the job, and if it's late or not done as ordered, you don't get paid or they charge you. Car troubles, illness or the weather are just excuses.  There can also be rush work come in at any moment.  

You could be delivering a letter from a bank,a car lender, doing a drive by inspection, a walk thru on vacant properties. I have also done merchant verifications and mystery shops for various lenders, drive by appraisals,and various quality control inspections for Hud and Fannie Mae REOs to insure they have been cleaned to specifications.

Pictures were required to be taken and uploaded for every job, as well as a laundry list of other tasks, per order. Some jobs just required 1 picture to prove I was there, others require House, street sign, street view, address, all sides of home, all rooms, 2 of all rooms, plus all damages and sign in sheets and signs outside.  I took anywhere from 1-200 pictures per inspection.

What did I get out of this work?   Enough money to survive on while I was doing the work (that's better than I was doing) and enough belief in myself that everything else shouldnt be a problem anymore.   

Keep in mind, Every person I dealt with on this job may have been going through the worst day of their life.   I dressed well, carried a clipboard and was courteous to everyone I met.    Widows that were losing there homes. Unemployed people, some angry-some sad.   Most everyone treated me as well or better than I treated them.
 There's the story of the man that walked a 1/4 of a mile down to the farms gate ,, I told him what I was there for.. and he walked back up to the house and back to the gate with a shovel.  He then informed me that the unlocked gate was locked as he positioned himself so the shovel was on his shoulder --about my head level.  His prison tattoo made him believable , as did the fact that his companion was now in my car with their dogs  while my wife pretended she had cell service.  If she hadn't tried the fake phone call , you all probably would have been spared from these stories.

I said, ok. Gates locked....and drove away quickly.  

What have I got out of this job?   A rash.  I've been in moldy houses (ever see bubbles of mold pulse?)....I've been sent to a house that just wasn't there anymore. (that was odd.).   I was told once by an angry mortgagor that the reason he has nine dogs is because bullets don't go around corners. I have fallen through a deck.     Everyday seemed to have a special little memory. 

Nondescript.

Black Friday Xmas

Christmas time.

Mistletoe, wreaths, and a beautiful decorated tree with a star on top. 

All the festive holiday cheer is in place. Kids opening presents. 

Happy smiling faces. 

Treasured memories of joy for the children. 

-For the parents? Well, - what happens on Black Friday stays on Black Friday.

What the kids don't know is that Momma, and Gramma, and all the Aunts start planning Thanksgiving Black Friday logistics on January 2nd.

The Criteria for a possible site is simple.  The shopping area must have no major crimes during the holidays the previous year ( It is getting harder to find these).  Preferably  a rural area or at least not major metro. It is not that the ladies are afraid of a fight. It is about time management. If you get caught with the shiv fighting over one sale, you get detained and miss the next hot item.

This is about easy pickings for the seasoned Black Friday Opperative. There is no time to be a hero. The best sales are always short stocked.

Five potential sites are picked. Thanksgiving may be at the lake house this year, or at a cousins home in New Hampshire. Thanksgiving Black Friday sales are not allowed at the big stores in neighboring states .

Then they wait, gathering intell on the sales through their network of underground sympathizers.

On July 1, deposits and such are sent to the top 3 prospective hotel locations as needed. The excuses to recoup the deposit are predetermined. No Black Friday Opp would just give money away without a con in place to get it back.

November 1- The intelligence has been gathered, the lists compared. The target determined.  Potential profits and losses evaluated.
The text goes out.
Dinner at 2:30 at Uncle Jimmies.
Staying with Aunt Sara.
Location # 2 is Red Hot.
Repeat. #2 is ON.
This years target sale is Game consoles. Loser is bouncing baby Bubba.
All systems go.
Respond with #BFB on fire to accept your mission.

Then the battle begins.....

If the kids only knew the sacrifices that were made to get them that special family Christmas.

--Mark Burkenbine

When writing your web site description, be accurate so you reap the benefits of SEO.

Crap.

All Things Burkenbine, alias Blackie South Eleventh.

The startling story of a man making a lack of direction his niche. Songs with no music( aren't those poems?). Fictional stories with no follow up posted. No follow ups to anything. . Social media posting of his favorite sandwich and snacks. Autobiographical stories and life updates. Drawings from out of the blue. Partial business plans. I think a few of these are meant to be radio shows.Masquerading as variety, All Things Burkenbine and Blackie South Eleventh are purposely meant to bring new meaning to the adult contemporay/ alternative/ Miscellaneous uncategorized category.

All Things Burkenbine.

Conform to know one. Figure out how to be good at what you do.

Make  the unmarketable successful.

Enjoy your job search!

Conflicted

It's funny how the images of life present themselves over and over in our minds.
Flashes. Hints. Sometimes like we are the dream at that very moment.
You ever have that really deep, really long hybernation sleep? The kind of sleep that you woke up refreshed, ready, and different.
Things looked, smelled...different.
I was sick every time.Various pains and sickness.  Pneumonia had me out for days of delirium.

Many countries and religions have the folk tales of the lazy man that went to the forest, mountain or cave to dodge work or war.
Rip had a good time, playing 9 pin with the dark clad ghosts, drank their rum...and woke up 20 years later to find his wife dead and the town ravaged by war, and only his daughter remembering him.
Is that how it  is really remembered?

A hundred years ago, scholars found writings of a man named Jesus. They were buried in the sands of the old world. The writings were from a thousand years ago, not two thousand.
He wrote of life and this planet as your heaven, and your hell.
You make it what you will.

They say, down at the crossroads, one can make the deal of a lifetime....another old saying is "there is a sucker born every minute."

Maybe...There are no deals one needs help with. Maybe,  It is just a matter of seeing things the way, well, the way they can be seen by someone who sees.

Someone who knows.

TIme. Space. Fate. Religions. Science. History. Truth. Myth. Legend. Oracle.

The truth is in the stories. In the minds eye.

Vision.

A life is what you make it.

We are Gods.... We were planted here to grow. Earth is a petri dish. We weren't originally planted here to be cattle. We were put here to be Gods. We are the aliens.

We can create anything we put our minds to....and yet most won't.

Ever notice how some  are just a little over skilled to be "normal humans"?  A little extra going on.
You know the ones I mean.
Life seems easy. Like they can see the path.  SEE IT, not just have faith it is there. They just step to the side of the oncoming  trouble and pick up again.  Some obviously have enormous capacity.

Hitler...how did he do so much?  I know it was all damage...but how did he pull it off? How did one little man get the entire worlds attention ?

Kahn? Genghis Kahn.He conquered a continent on horseback. He raped thousands of women. A large part of Asia is now a direct descendant to one man.

All that glitters...
Gods. Demi Gods. Aliens. Humans...all the same. Heaven. Hell. Dopplegangers. Black Holes.

We are some kind of clone.

Men defined what god is. Men wrote bibles to keep other "men" in place.

We seem to be in a day and age where everything is segmented. Controlled. Designed to be marketed and tracked .
Targeted straight to the exact tastes of the consumer demographic to increase sales and maximize the buying experience. Supposedly.

Music. Cars. Books. News. TV and Radio stations. Food.  Absolutely everything is designed to be perfect and minimize business and consumer risk.

What has really happened is everyone is trained to only like what they already know they like.

No risks. Not a hell of a lot of new experiences.

Many "risks" are now marketed and as safe as possible. Low risk, low experience factor.

There is probably even a beginning cliff diving course now.

Whatever happened to doing something out of the blue?  Shutting off your phone  is now considered going rogue. What happened to going through the world searching for what you liked and didn't like? I thought that experience is what made life worth living.

Failing/ losing is what makes winning/ living worth it.  Really living is the win.


What the hell happened to whimsy?

Black Coffee and Rum

Black Coffee and Rum on SoundCloud 

So, I am having another one of another one of those days.  I am trying to figure out how these words got onto the same piece of paper, cause I can't do much else today. I am always trying to get something out of a wasted day. This would probably be a song/speak ish thing, music looping the whole time and the lyrics are just a conversation about the crap in peoples heads. The music is playing now, imagine your own. For me this may be kind of be like that one song except nobody is going to be all right :) By the way,  Black coffee and rum are awful together but it does wake you up and numb you out a little.



Black Coffee and Rum

I'm picking my life apart
going to  keep the good things I've had
say goodbye to the sad
But saying goodbye to the sad
things in life
doesn't really work so well
a restraining order is sometimes necessary
and some of this stuff you will meet again in hell

<Today I am thankful for
muscle relaxers    anti inflammatories  a tens unit   and of course
black coffee and rum

so I am half looped and half realizing
where all this crap has come from
and I am still hurting, in a state of
uncomfortably dumb>

Shit happens and there's no place to go
you can't run from a bad decision
but most people give it a helluva try
in the end, the damned things will find their owner
every god forsaken time

The more you run the more that lost dog wants to come home
It will tear your world apart, it will piss on every overturned stone

Stupidity runs rampant in my family
probably yours to
take a look at your family tree
and see if someone elses crap finds you
that sins of the father stuff
is mostly true

my neck is killing me
heading to work
may have to make a few more rights to avoid the hard lefts
damn.
Sometimes left is right. Sometimes to write is wrong.
Someday everything you ever knew will be gone

while I am waxing poetic, something to think about
for every toy you own that you did not earn
is another generation that will make sure you burn

Today I am thankful for muscle relaxers, anti inflammatories, a tens unit and
of course, black coffee and rum
So I am half looped and half realizing
where all this crap is coming from
and I'm still hurting, in a state of
uncomfortably dumb

Remember, pain is just another way to know you are still alive.

But hey, I gotta be me. Spread the cheer

written, published and owned by Mark Burkenbine  November 28, 2013
copyright 2013 Mark Burkenbine

Feelings of Discomfort by Burkenbine

Traditional gifts for  untraditional sentiments.  We all have our Feelings  of Discomfort, why dodge it?  

Unforgettable moments and special issues need cards also.  

Topics include:

Thinking of you

 for neighbors or co workers  -  I see you almost everyday and I really don't like you at all, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Hope things work out for you and your family.

 for the Ex.....I can still feel your love. It burns when I pee.

Thank you notes

Thanks for making dinner. Have you seen sparky?

For your doctor.  Prostate exam--  I'm not sure of the protocol, but , can we be friends?

Wedding

Congratulations!  It will work this time

Memories

Hunting/camping/road trip

"Hey, remember when you drank my spit cup?"

"Hey , remember when you drank my pee cup?"

Apologies

 I didn't know my webcam was on.   Um, I got hacked.  

Infidelity

Roses are red, 

Violets are blue

your real father is the milkman

"Her name is  (insert stripper name), I was drunk.  I don't think I used the babymaker..."

and many other traditional and miscellaneous uncomfortable  topics to choose from. Such as...

"So, is your daughter 21?"

"So , is your wife happily married?"

Same sex--"are you happily married?"

Same sex--"So, I saw you in the restroom. you want to be friends?"

After death of spouse

"Did you have insurance? Would you like to have dinner?  Too soon?"

My personal favorite-

"Honey, that is really hot. Is that a new vibrator?"       "No dear, I found it in that dresser your mother gave us. "

"Nice to meet you. What is your porn name?"

-Slogans can be customized.   Next time you have a Feeling of Discomfort, let it fester a little and pass it around.   

Life is good.

The previous information is a real business that occasionally uses real jokes.  

Mark Burkenbine sometimes is Blackie South Eleventh.   I had a choice of Blackie South 11th, or Ruffie Rural Route 1 for a porn name.

mburkenbine@gmail.com  for information on how to place orders.   

As I spread my holiday cheer throughout the world,
 I think of the things I have to be thankful for.
This morning I am thankful for Amy and her family
, and of course all my kids, father ,brother and friends.
I am thankful I can remember my mother like she is still here.
 I am thankful for everyone's attempt to understand.
 I am thankful for all the chances I have had to experience this wonderful thing called life.
The good and the bad.
 I whine a lot, but It is usually a deadpan joke. I assure you, I have seen a lot more good than bad.

I apologize for the cruel thanksgiving displays of celebration. To those that do not recognize this particular holiday...too bad. Your loss.  For me, it is about being thankful for what you have right now. It doesn't have to be religious or a national day of pride.  Every day can be a thanksgiving for anyone.

...Today, in particular, I am thankful for muscle relaxers, anti inflammatories , tens units, and of course--black coffee and rum.

Yesterday, I broke a sweat eating breakfast.  I am so out of shape, chewing is now my only calorie burning exercise. .    I didn't realize I was going to need a training program to make it through the Thanksgiving dinner marathon. I should've started with the two piece meal at KFC about 6 months ago, and worked my way up to a bucket.    I will have to remember to stretch and hydrate to keep from cramping...start slow.

My new tin can candle and greeting card line.  Feelings of Discomfort.

Good Evening, my minions.  My name is Blackie South Eleventh.  I have a lifetime in experience and provide guidance into the wantrepreneurial world.  Major in entertainment , minor in troubador.

Let us define Wantrepreneurship.  You have a love for projects, ideas, thought process and gaining knowledge. You lack the ability to get them off the ground, or sometimes, the skills to even get into the field in the first place.

Let us go over my long career as a wantrepreneur.

I tried to run away at the age of 4 or 5, hid in my neighbors boat with my plastic fishing pole, and was ready to take on the world.   I  had clothes and sandwiches.  Search and rescue found me under the boat tarp, asleep.

At the age of 15, I wanted to be a professional bicycle motocross racer even though I had never won a single race in my beginners category and actually found a loophole that would have allowed me to move up.

At 16, I dropped out of school cause I could not focus and I figured there was nothing left for me to learn. I didn't even know how to drive til I was 18. ( I did at least get a GED)

I want to be a writer. Produce videos. Create companies. Write songs  ( I don't know a single note, so I write lyrics).Sing songs. Act. Write books. Create an entertainment center. Create a group that gets tools into the hands of  talented people that can use them to become self employed.

I like the idea of writing slogans and sayings for novelties, t shirts, and greeting cards.

 Doesn't everybody feel like they could start a new company every day?

I tried to create a blog/video network and had planned to make my car the actual studio for it.

What I do best, is set at my white table, and make ideas.  That white table is my baby grand piano.

Wantrepedour. Take ownership of your inner wantrepreneur, and make some music with it.  Just don't get anything done. Don't create a team, and don't get investors. Follow these steps and you can live the life of the wantrepreneur.

New lyrics at What would this be without a song

Yours truly
-Blackie South Eleventh.     What's your porn name?

sometimes you win.   Sometimes you lose.

Find a way to win. Losing sucks.

Have a good life, everybody.   Hug your loved ones. Use your powers for good.

One of these days, we will set back and laaaaaaugh...


That's all folks.

The beautiful view from Barnes Jewish hospital in St Louis.  We hope for short visits.---(added later).- Hallelujah!.   Hopefully another year before we see this view.  No offense to the St Louis skyline...I love the contrasts in the centuries old architecture against the newer structures...but we are usually looking at x-rays and such when I get this view.     I...  you know what I mean.     Thank you, Dr. Lenke, for providing the support to keep the strong moving.

Effervescent.  Bubbly and enthusiastic.   I am sure those that know me would agree that is a most accurate description of myself.

"Yes, yes yes. Indubitably so!"  shout the masses.

Can you tell I am working on my sales and marketing.  Does anyone teach a course in Crapspeak?  I need to be fluent in it.

Yesterday I turned down something free, because I did not want to feel indebted to a particular company and on a hook asking for more.  I may have been rude about it. That was not my intent, so I need to improve on my sales vernacular.   Those guys speak a different language than I do.

Well, another mindless social media post in the books.  Fun Fun.

Effervescent.   Soak it in.



--Mark

Well, here it is. Seven AM. I have been up and around for an hour and a half with no pain for the first time in a long time.  My first instinct is to be suspicious. This may be another trick like the last time, and the time before. Lower back and "saddle area" pain, all chronic pain, messes with the thinking.

Should I go change that tire? The donut has been on the other car for a month and a half. Maybe longer.

I could go bowl.
Work?
I could take a whole day away from the computer.
Maybe a romantic interlude?   Seul or avec ma femme?  

Maybe a whole day of walking, not driving.

Experience says that If I move to much I will hurt it again.   If I take a muscle relaxer I will be out for a day and a half.   I have extreme reactions to medications.  The first time I took an antihistamine I woke up at the dinner table in a puddle of drool with mashed potatoes in my hair... 14 hours later.   That is right. I said 'hair'.   It was a long time ago.

For years, I did not take muscle relaxers because I was afraid it would relax the sphincter muscles and I would "defecate" on myself.   How do they keep it from doing that?   Amazing!

I do have a knack for doing things the hard way.  Maybe I will just go find more work. The lack of finances says that is what I should do. I am majorly underemployed.

Tune in tomorrow for another episode of ' as my stomach churns'.   This is where I pretend to whine for awhile and proceed about my merry way, spreading my joy wherever I go. A social media candyman makes the world taste good.  I share my life with you, my friends.

You have been loved,

-Mark Burkenbine

Thanks to a Social Media  post I am doing something new. I am succumbing to peer pressure.

7 Things you did not know about me.    ( the process)

#1  I was going to start with  'I am not very tall.'   But if you know me , that is obvious. So this is subject to change.

#2  I used to bowl A LOT more than most.  Another "duh".

#3  I drive A LOT more than most.   Another 'duh'.

#4  I've got a great big head and little bitty  ....arms.

#5  Toe hands.    That's correct. I used to practice writing with my left and right foot. I'd pick things up, and throw things with them.  My big toe works like a thumb and I can move my middle toes kind of like fingers.

#6   I can drive all those miles because it lends itself to my biggest strength and weakness. Driving is time to think.  I spend most of my life analyzing and reconstructing things. For example, everywhere I have ever bowled I have picked the tournament directors, the proprietors ,and the mechanics brain.
I ask about the restaurant, the promotions, The numbers. The staffing. The cleaning crew. The family life. The hours of business. ...Then I go home and google populations in the area, figure the demographics.    I like figuring out what makes things work and not work.

I have gleaned information for over 30 years from the best and brightest to the absolute worst, trying to figure out how they see things.

I go through this process with absolutely everything, but the bowling business is my passion.  Playing the  game,not so much. I would rather listen to NPR and sing to the radio than actually bowl.  I used to drive thousands of miles to tournaments just to work a couple of questions in to a few people I knew would be there.

Now.....that being said, this hangup of mine has created its share of problems.  I could have handled my own affairs a little better.(understatement) It has not produced a career in bowling either. Probably because I tend to lack tact when I see many a proprietor and business leader doing things that are obviously WRONG (to me) and costing us bowlers. Or maybe I am just not well liked.  ( life really is like high school. If you aren't one of the cool kids, you need one to like you to succeed.Someone has to like you or your idea has to be accepted by the masses.   Value.)

 Oops, I did it again. I could have said -

#6  I am kinda nuts, but everyone knows that. I was just a bowler. I am either the smartest dumb guy you ever met, or the dumbest smart guy. It  equals about the same thing.  It is like two guys arguing who had the better tournament when neither one cashed.

#7   Where were we?  Oh yes.
#7  I major in the uncomfortable with a minor in useless knowledge.  & I am allergic to red ink.

Trying to corner the market on not funny and not entertaining  one flip comment at a time.

I watch my kids
never take my advice
make the same mistakes
more than twice

why won't they listen
why is there no respect for me
would it be because
I walked out on the family

I've made my mistakes
it's true I know
but i'd never ever send you
down the road I chose

It doesn't matter if his life is great or hits the skids
EVERY Father wants it to be better for his kids

I didn't  have a plan  ,to be a better man
didn't bend, so no breaks to catch
There
are no
401 K
funds to match

Kids I haven't seen, owe taxes to the government
no life , health or dent  --for me
working night and day to find a way

I'm still the deadbeat I didn't want to be

I think I owe
everyone I ever met
I'm still trying to live up to their bet
working on something, all of my time, and yet
It's true what they say
you are a slave to your debt

how'd I wind up here
i'm not loose, lazy, or fancy free
but I have become the deadbeat

that I did not want to be

Look in the mirror
and what do I see

I'm a deadbeat, and my kids won't listen to me.

I am twice the man I used to be
but still not half the man I want my kids to see.

Baby, I was born to......fail. Just call me Chuckles

written published and owned by Mark Burkenbine on November 10,2013
Copyright November 10, 2013 Mark Burkenbine
originally published in 'what would this be without a song blog'

In Karma's Web

The scene is an old downtown cafe in Little Town U.S.A.   The cafe is bustling during Saturday breakfast, with the waitresses skillfully navigating the plates  between the booths and tables, even with the occasional foot sticking out in the aisle.

Ham, eggs, bacon and sausage seem to be on every plate, with eggs, of course.

In the middle of the dining area are two farmers discussing next seasons crops and of course, planning for their  livestock entries into the state fair.

They are enjoying their time together, discussing old fair victories over coffee, breakfast and the newspaper.

What they don't realize is the sudden quiet and emptiness of the cafe.

Shift to the taller building across the street and you will see a sight you indeed would not be looking for.  A short pig is climbing the fire ecape. A pig with an eye patch, a black trench coat and a snipers rifle.  Clearly mercenary in nature, but with a deep conviction  for this particular job.

In the cafe, the two gentlemen look around and realize they are alone, except for a large old rat in a very stylish leather overcoat and beret.  The rat is in the corner booth, and says in a mocking tone," you know I found the pesticides in her corner. "

The farmer nervously says," I don't know what you are talking about. It was natural causes."

The rat says, " Willie, he did not take kindly to the news. He was grateful for what you did for him, even though you ate his Uncle. He had been in the Sudan for quite some time, but found time to come back home.   By the way, you should finish those hashbrowns. One more bite of bacon and this may not be as clean as planned"

The farmers got up and came toward the well dressed rat.  He calmly spoke the word "clear" into his cell phone and it was over. Two shots.

The rat finished the toast and hashbrowns , smiled his big toothed smile and said to the corpses "Salutations, bitches."

The pig and the rat drive away, a last wish fulfilled.

 The final  message in the web was 'Avenge Me!'.

--Mark Burkenbine

Written 11/12/13 by Mark Burkenbine  copyright 2013

It's night on a rainy blacktop road.  Hills and blind curves repeatedly challenge all the drivers. Without warning I am blinded by an oncoming truck with its brights on. I yell "diiiiick" as he passes by.     He probably can't hear me.

My argument in court over the potential road rage incident is this:

I am helping make the world a better place through subliminal  messaging.  Men are good in nature and the subconscious can feel what the ears cannot hear.

The man being yelled at will feel upset at himself.   He will ask  himself if he did something 'dickish'.
He will change his ways.  Right his wrongs.

Maybe a woman doesn't get hit or worse. Maybe a dog doesn't get kicked. Maybe a few more dads spend more time with the  kids.

With properly placed subliminal messaging, we can fix this world one dick at a time.

If a woman is the recipient of the subliminal dick comment, maybe she thinks of dick a little more and maybe satisfies her husband instead of her boyfriend.    Yes, women make dick moves also.

Maybe , when a man and a woman  stop the inherent dickishness, they have kids and are good parents.maybe they adopt.

Maybe a properly placed insult changes worlds for the better.

There you go.  A perfect thumbnail.  Would you believe I am actually a shy individual, slowly getting more and more public.   And away we go.  Daily web/video/podcasts beginning this week.   This will PROBABLY get better.  More information coming soon...

This joke may be unsuitable for the young , and or the easily offended.   You also may not think it is funny, but that is the risk we take.

www.allthingsburkenbine.com

This joke may be unsuitable for the young , and or the easily offended.   You also may not think it is funny.

I am slowly getting my new site up and running.

2cancreations.com  will be fully functional by Sunday night.  

Thank you

Mark Burkenbine

Coming soon!  Mobile and website Ad Space available by the day, week, month, or year. I'll sell space on just about anything.  Car, Shirts, Webpages...and beyond.

I drive over 100,000 miles a year for freelance work. Serious windshield time.  Let Me advertise for YOU. 

email wayicservices@gmail.com for details.

Need a Freelance Blogger or Social Media Director?    

Buy Early--Buy Cheap 

Wasn't that catchy?  

Mark Burkenbine
www.2cancreations.com

www.allthingsburkenbine.com
www.burkenbinebowling.com

Way I.C. Services, LLC.

Driving for miles and miles. Attention finds me.

 Your Ad Will Be Seen. I guarantee It.

Damned Hipsters!

Two cans & String has a chance to make a comeback in communications. No spam or marketing. Your friend is really your friend & it is in REAL TIME.

Revolutionary.

Is there a difference between a law enforcement profiler and a marketer ( market research analyst)? Aren't they the same thing? The difference being with marketing you are trying to sell something to someone when you find the soft spots.    Can't a marketer look at someone for a moment and deduce the same things a profiler can?  The difference being that one is looking for a bad guy and a way to find him, while the marketer wants to sell the target all the goods and services needed, or better yet, not needed.  

Do corporate marketing firms hire law enforcement profilers, or vice versa?

Isn't this a beautiful country, with this internet and freedom to ask  silly questions and make the social observation...Sorry. I get in the habit of writing to myself on here.  Darn magic boxes.

If you have followed my blog at all, you will see many posts on marketing and marketers. I find the job fascinating and am studying the subject when I can.  I simply have to keep getting better at it, but I am also trying to find a way to get ahead of it. It seems that if you don't get ahead of trends, you will get lost in the crowd.
Yes, the internet is a trend, just like paper newspapers and magazines, land line phones and drive- in movies. Everything is a trend and the cycles are getting faster and faster, while our lives are getting longer and longer.

Anyway, lost in the crowd is a bad place to be.  One can get overlooked in the crowd, and gather too much misinformation that is no help at all.  Luck starts to play with results.

Marketing to Zombies: Opportunity exists.

Marketing and Sales to Zombies. There is always an opportunity for someone.

In a study of Zombies, corporate research has shown that they like bright pink and purple. It calms them, as does disco music.
They are efficient at slow moving, repetitive motions. Factory shift work has begun in many sectors.
When the walls of the factory are painted pink and purple, with disco dance music playing through speakers, productivity rates continue to soar.
In this situation, training for all mundane tasks can begin.

Feed them human beef, made from the homeless. The homeless rate will skyrocket as humans are either eaten or the virus mutates them.  Pay them less than you do the illegal immigrants, but feed them better. The ten year food supply looks to be stocked well.

They will quickly create their own monetary and social systems and individual herds to market products to.   Soon they will have their own entertainment and fashion industry to occupy their free time between work shifts.

The bright pink and purple fashion industry will explode. Snazzy preppy outfits of this color will be desired by mummies and zombies alike, but they will be necessities for humans that want to stay off the menu.

 Expect music groups from the 70's and 80's to make huge comebacks.

A Zombie Apocalypse is a marketers dream.  But, so are all forms of Apocalypse.  Before Jesus walks the earth again, there would be 4 Hor$emen trading cards. There would be T shirts of a horseman holding his crotch with a slogan of  " I got your Apocalypse right here, baby."

In the meantime, Zombies become a powerful political faction, but they look down on werewolves and vampires.   These creatures have a bias against Zombies as well.   To a Werewolf or Vampire, Zombies offer no nutritional value. Zombies are the junk food,  the high fructose corn syrup of prey.  They move so temptingly slow, but they taste bad, they smell bad....yet, somehow you can't eat just one.
After a generation of eating Zombies, the vampires and werewolves get slow and fat.  Their eyes bug out , skin itches and they get testy.  Now the market for substance abuse centers for eating zombies opens up. There will be 12 step programs.

Opportunity is everywhere, all the time.

Happy Halloween

Mark Burkenbine
www.allthingsburkenbine.com

 I would like to thank everyone involved with this giant project that is many things to me.  Now I get to make some sense of it all and start something else.    I miss added, with the other 15 pages that are in the ATB, I am well over 10,000 hits.  woohoo.   party?  nah.

  This is the opening to the ATB book.

   A good day to you.    Thank you for stopping by and taking a look inside my world.  This is my first published work, but far from my last.

     All Things Burkenbine...Mark Burkenbine is my attempt at a conceptual blogging network.  Pieces of me blowing across the internet in twenty blogs and social networking with sometimes just a string holding it together.
     Believe it or not, this is just the start of this concept and my little production company.   Every blog involved is a stand alone project , with a few more coming. I hope you enjoy watching the stories grow as other media is brought into the fold.

My own opinions are everywhere in here. I hope you find at least a few interesting, or funny.

Wear the old boots when walking in this pasture. There is a whole lot of me out there. Beware the fragmented sentence....I use it with reckless abandon.

Swing for the fences. Blog to win.


Thank you for your time

Mark Burkenbine

Just 1300 more page views and I retire the All Things Burkenbine monster and move on to the next adventure.  Woohoo. 10,000 hits .

Hopefully I can hold off the pitchfork and torch wielding townsfolk until then.

When I quit this blog is it traditional to leave it up or take it down?

Hello all. How much is hernia surgery and how long is recovery?   Just a question to the world in general.
How is your day going? How was dinner?  Mine is good.   I am almost to my goal of buying no bowling balls for a year. Old habits die hard but I am beating my addiction with the help of alcohol and blogging.   The hernia is a plus, also.    Find those positives :) I love social media.

The beauty of having no audience is freedom.   Wouldn't it be just awful to have a huge paying audience that wanted results?   The stress must be overwhelming..

Thank you fr your time. Sleep tight. We here at the ATB care about you,the audience.  

Hello again.  I have been searching high and low for a community I can join, and to feel a part of. One that I don't feel like an outsider, because I am , well...I am different than the others.

I have not found that place. Yet. Maybe that is what I am building here. My legacy. A friendly place for the odd and misguided.

Perhaps I am an  island after all.   Welcome to my  Island of misfit bloggers:The ATB Community of likened mind individuals.

First, let us play a game called find the Spelling and punctuation errors.Report each one in the comments. Person who gets the most errors is the honorary unpaid editer of this mess called All Things Burkenbine.     I will not fix broken sentences.

Anybody want to be in the All Things Burkenbine Fan Club?  That seems to be a burden and a curse only those marked from birth should share, but if you want a fan club, here you go.

Don't forget my shameless begging for someone to turn in a Wikipedia entry for me , Mark Burkenbine,
Remember my campaign slogan.
Mark Burkenbine. Put me in Wikipedia. I've got BIG TWITS: Make me one of the 140 characters of your life.
You would think one of those debt collectors could make this happen.

Am I the only one who has ever tried to use debt collectors as part of my marketing campaign? You would think I could get them to unite and round me up some customers.

Have a great day, and thank you for your time.

Hugo the Agnostic Cowboy and  his compatriot, the Atheist Heinrich.

Heinrich

Each episode our two hero's discuss the difference between being Agnostic and Atheist.   Hugo speaks in a very distinct ,male German- ish dialect known all through the land as "I will rule the world speak". Heinrich speech will vary. It could be no accent at all and be American female. Many episodes will have Hugo refer to Heinrich as a typical male Atheist, to which Heinrich will reply with american female voice, "God Dammit I am not an atheist.".  Heinrich then replies, "tsk tsk. You Atheists don't believe in anything. "

In every episode,there is a scene where Heinrich and Hugo are setting in a bar. Hugo is always in those assless chaps , cowboy boots, shirt and hat.  Heinrich is always asking" is this where a burly popular country singer from Oklahoma beats us soundly like we enjoy so much? Please?  " 

At the end of every Episode, Heinrich is in bed, in the dark and you hear Heinrich say to Hugo questioningly (Hugo is in another room--they are just compatriots, after all)  

" Hugo, are the professional bowlers ok?"

Hugo replies " I am sure they are fine.

 Heinrich " They are soo strong. They deserve to make more money"

Hugo" If you say so. Goodnight."

The hit comedy-musical cartoon comic book live radio show' Hugo, the Agnostic Cowboy' coming to a theater near you.

Thank you for your time

Mark Burkenbine

Put me on Wikipedia

Big Twits: Make me one of the 140 characters of your life

Employed.  but-Working a job you don't like at all and doesn't pay well.  Positive--Employed and consistently paid.  Negative--The greatest mousetrap ever built. Perpepuated on and on by a herd of people who believe that you can't actually do better.  It just is what it is. It is almost a cult.  Reality- Nobody is secure with a job.  You can only be secure with your belief in your abilities and that is what careers are made of.    Find a career and mold it as you see it. Jobs mold you. Accept Jobs as a means of getting you somewhere you want to go, like a bus ride. Do not do the ones that take you nowhere unless you are satisfied with that.

Employment advice from the under employed

Mark Burkenbine
Will you make a Wikipedia entry for me?
Big Twits. Make me one of the 140 characters of your life.

Hugo the Agnostic Cowboy coming soon.copyright Mark Burkenbine 2013

Big Twits: Let me be one of the 140 characters of your life.
Don't forget to make a wikipedia entry for me
Mark Burkenbine

The early years of All Things Burkenbine.

Beginning with nothing. Well , let us call it considerably less than nothing if you include all possible debt. It is not quite as easy as it sounds.  It is the definition of starting over, but trying to do things right.  By the way, trying to do things 'right' is not as easy as it sounds, either.

'Right'. The right way. Seems like absolutely everyone has a different definition of 'right'. Some believe 'right' means successful. That is another one of those elusive terms. Successful to some means financially successful, regardless of quality or anything else. They are doing something for the money and that is enough for them.  I would never do that. I can say that because I am proud and poor. Throw lots of money at me and I am willing to bet my opinion can be modified, as most opinions can be as the situation changes. To others, success may mean getting published, finishing a race or project, or just being happy about an effort or choice. It can be 'just happy to be here' , or  satisfied that they did the right thing, or all they could.

So everybody has to figure out what their 'right' way is, while clarifying what is 'wrong'.

Next episode :  Poking the Bears.

Yeah, I like that.  I will use that in my Wikipedia entry, if someone makes one for me.

C'mon people. Join my fan club and get me on Wikipedia.

Mark Burkenbine.
I've got Big Twits: Make Me One of the 140 Characters of your life

Search Engine Optimization?  Sounds like another marketing buzzword that someone chases , like searching for gold at the end of a magic rainbow.   A mystical service that promises results, if paid for.

Hashtags.  Does that REALLY work?  Hashtags?

Length of article?   Why should that matter? Isn't that just saying we have a flaw in our system and need a longer article to find you? Why does size matter in authorship?  It is unfortunate for me that I am the character challenged author that cannot seem to fulfill the needs of  the web crawlers.  It is a shame. They just don't know what they are missing. Perhaps I can compensate for my inadequacies by being prolific??

Obviously, I am just a guy that started typing.  I am not trained in any way, shape or form to be a writer or marketer.  I am not a blind follower to anything, but I do enjoy watching the wolves and sheep from a distance.  It is quite amusing.

Maybe all the services and tricks out there make sense in the business world, where you have to be ready to go to any length to manipulate systems, cheat if you can to get ahead.  A business only exists to make money.

hmm.  I am trying to use this blog thing to find what marketable skills I may possess & services I can provide.

Crap.  Maybe I need a marketing firm to take over my little campaign.  

Sleeping with the enemy. Be careful when you question authority, sometimes authority makes you its booty call.



--Mark Burkenbine.  Twerking with Authority.

Is it actually bad to occasionally re-post an old post? I still do not quite understand site rankings, just know that I am low enough on the totem pole that they shouldn't matter.  TOP BLOGGER does not appear to be achievable.I am happy to know someone  smiles at my 'content' now and then.    I have also been told that my posts need to be longer to improve rankings.  I have read many a blog that had repeated information in it just to make it longer.   Nah, I will pass on that.    To all the search engines crawling on me, there has to be a better way.   Length of an article should have nooooo bearing on anything.
So, bucking the 'rules' once again, I double dare you and Re-Post

Yaks and Yeti

So....we are setting in the living room of our two bedroom cave in the Himalayas, enjoying a few cold brews and cold pizza.  We are watching the Yeti chase the Yaks around in the valley just off the deck. Yes, we have a wager on who wins.  I says to Salman, "so what did you do to end up here? "

He replies, "well....I am a writer. A well educated man that created a well written book that was badly received by an entire religious sect.  I fear for my life constantly, and I can never let my guard down. I have been condemned by an entire way of life and there is a price on my head."

He tosses his bear bottle into the fire, and takes another bite of Pizza,( can you believe we found an all night delivery in the Himalayas...that was awesome.) 

"What, my new friend, ...what the hell did you do?"

I picked off the anchovies and black olives off my side of the loaded combo #7 w/ original crust.  

"Well....I  led my entire life like a Rube Goldberg machine. Did the easiest things the hardest way possible."

"How does that get you here?"  he says while burping like a college freshman.

I replied,   "Well...I decided honesty was the best policy. I decided there are things in my life that need fixed. I decided I needed a new profession and that I liked to write and create things. I am an odd person and following others doesn't seem to be a strong point.  I wanted to get paid to be me."

"an admirable ambition. I commend you " he says. "But..?"

Here we go.  Crap , that's the last beer.  Man, other than the pizza guy, there is nothing out here. This may be the most isolated spot on earth. Looks like the Yeti won again, but didn't beat the spread.  It's a sucker bet. Yeti always win, but Yaks run out the clock.  Salman pays for the beer and pizza again.

I finish my story. "  I wrote some very honest essays. Put it on this thing called BLOG.  A few people saw them.  Now, I owed money to some but money is what I am trying to make out of this eventually, so my argument with them is look...I am BROKE and trying to fix that. I cannot make enough at my job anymore, so it is time to find a new job."

Salman says " dude you are long winded, get to the point. If you owe money and the collectors aren't what you are worried about, what the Hell got you worried enough to be in the middle of freakin' nowhere?"

I said , " Chill out. Man you get edgy after losing a bet. Just once, take the Yaks and the point."

I continue, "  I wrote some personal stuff down , about my kids, about my views on life ( Salmans  left brow lifts from under his doo rag).  "and", he says?

"Well, I may have mentioned some exes or eluded to one or two. " I mutter, " and there may be an angry old girlfriend with an angry Lesbian aquaintance."

Salman takes the beer out from where he had been saving it for a needed occasion and bites the cap off. I keep telling him those are twist offs.

"dude" he says, " I have been chased around the world by a people that are relentlessly  chasing me to avenge their GOD, and you....are screwed. It is time for you to go."

Mumbles something about me being there for a month, they must be onto me, time for a new identity again, maybe Atlantis?.,,angry lesbians.....

welcome to my world!

---Mark Burkenbine

A long ,long time ago, I was filling out a bio for a bowling tournament I had entered.  A friend of mine had described his occupation as a student of the game.  I then looked around at the field and determined that several of the regulars where not just competitors, or students.  I realized they were the characters of the game.

Everybody has baggage, and is irritating at some point. Have you ever noticed that even people you cannot stand, or just don't know, have something interesting and entertaining that can captivate you for a few moments. It can be a smile, an attitude, just a way they do something.

We all have our quirks. Some quirks are more fun to watch than others.

Find those people. The ones that just thinking of  makes you smile and feel good.  It could be a neighbor, a friend, a person who works at a store.

Dig through your memories and find 140  characters of your life.   It seems to be a successful number.

Thanks for your time

-Mark Burkenbine

Anyone know of any call center work a husband and wife team can do at home?  We are both literate and comfortable speaking to others. Wife has B.S. in Business Administration with majors in human resources, management and accounting.
 I tinker in creating blogs, videos and web content. www.Allthingsburkenbine.com is the home to that project.
 I also have:
* three years experience in financial institution  occupancy and quality control property inspections
* ten years experience managing retail sporting goods, specifically bowling  pro shops, and have a lifetime involved in bowling.


I can bowl a little bit, shovel snow, mow a lawn, and drive incredible distances. We are willing to look at all above the board possibilities.   Any of the projects on my website will always be on the table to be completed.

Dispatcher, office manager, call center, answering services,manage a small business?
We would prefer to work together if possible, but again, almost anything will be considered.

Thanks for your time

Mark & Amy Burkenbine  , Missouri
mbowl@hotmail.com

 Welcome to my little show.  I don't know how you found me, but thank you.  We have a little bit of everything going on in this testing ground.  Some fiction, some reality show material. Home made videos....shots in the dark at skits, marketing, sales, resumes, editorials,poetry and comedy. Attempts to get better at just about everything I ever wanted to be but never was.

I should point out..This is not one of those blogs that is concerned there should be 1000 words for every post, and it should look like a magazine article. I do not have one topic, theme, or look. I believe in variety and random thoughts.

Things have gone south in some ways over the last few months, but have improved exponentially in all areas that matter ...future actually looks bright for the climb from ground zero.

 but hey, I could be over dosing on those damned inspirational quotes I complain about.

Other than my whining, hope has not left the station quite yet.

Please enjoy your trip through this mash

--Mark Burkenbine

I have started a twitter fiction   novella.  We will see how it goes.  I have a knack for being good at things that don't pay well, so I figure why not give that a try also.

The story is In The Future NOW.   I will create a page on Allthingsburkenbine.com  so it can be followed easily if someone misses anything.    I do not plan to do more than five tweets a day and the story and updates will  be on twitter account  @mbbowl  .

Hope someone enjoys reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

Thank you for your time

--Mark Burkenbine

Who knows when it began.  'WE' were launched into a 150 year process of inventions that seemingly kept making life easier. Cars, electricity,nuclear power, cell phones, computers.  Some illness was wiped out. Previously fatal disease and injuries were made livable. Some disease became like catching a cold.

The world it kept a changin'.

The banking and insurance system never really changed. They exist to get huge funds of money in a pool, and they invest that money in our stock markets and such, and they do so with the ok of federal insurance.   Banks loan out money for homes because there are many corrections to markets and bad estate planning that are all part of the equation.  Bank loans money, you pay for decades and you pay far more with interest, then a mysterious market correction happens and the bank takes your home and sells it again when you have an injury or inevitable loss of income. There is also the scenario that you pass away and the bank or health care system gets your home even if you had it paid for.   The bank and insurance always win. It is an interesting math problem that most of the world is part of.

Tip- pay cash up front on real estate.  Time is the only capital. Own things that will outlive us. If you have a home loan, you are really paying rent.

I can say this because I am poor.

Everything is very transparent in our world if you open your mind to it.

Computers are linked by their signal connection.  In reality, all phones and computers are now linked. All that information is being gathered. Much of it is gathered for the use of sales and marketing. Business is the same as it has always been, but many companies will tell you until they learn how to use this information, making an actual sale may be getting harder due to an abundance of competition. The lack of ability to use the info is making a mess.  The really big companies are getting bigger because they know exactly what to sell and to who.

With the use of social media and all this data from our computers, someone out there knows everything there is to know about anyone with a computer. EVERYTHING.  They are using social media as the social conscience of this system.

Believe it or not, We are all now linked as a universal mind. Collective conscience.  Once believed to be in insects,( at least I believed it)  someone has masterminded it to happen to us.  We are ALL linked together, and soon it will be even more apparent who the worker bee is, and who the Queen is.

Watch how we are manipulated through media and advertisers. We are moving in shapes, not as one. Pulled and pushed.   What are we moving to?

One day , there will be a Giant Global Conglomerate Government Business.  No more business competition. We will all do our jobs, if there are any to do. We will get charged by the thought, basically. When we want something , it will be monitored by the HOME COMPUTER BRAIN LINK and whatever we want will be 3D scanned and created for us.  Food, music, physical needs....all taken care of.

The next innovation from there is they just let us imagine it as reality.  That would probably be cheaper.

Conspiracy Theory....nah. Just a story.  Is it fiction or non fiction? I don't know.  My next posts will probably be silly pictures to change the mood of my collective blogging experience.

Thanks for your time

Mark Burkenbine

What is the next big social forum?   Through the years , social gatherings have evolved greatly.  We gathered around the fire. We gathered around the kill. We met at churches,town halls and at family members homes. Vacations, parties and  events were held in all manner of places. Meals were and still are often part of the celebration or exchanges of information.

The radio came along and it was the new big thing. Television. Phone calls. Conference calls. Video calls. Cell phones. Texting. The internet. Chat rooms.  Video chat from your phone. Social media websites.

Every place people gather, business and sales follow. Every place  eventually gets too many people, or too many that don't see eye to eye, and someone eventually finds a new "thing".

What is the next new thing? The current social media sites have incredible volumes of people, but already have an incredible percentage of users that either aren't very social, or are just trying to sell something. Social Media is a medium that has a lot of companies still trying to figure out how to make any money with it.  It is not far fetched that the entire landscape of social media will look nothing like it currently does in the next couple of years, is it?    Think of what your phone could do five years ago. Look at it now.

Humans have a way of seeing or imagining something that is fictional, and somehow making that come true.   Take a look at submarines, space travel and cloning.  Were those inventions not first introduced in great novels ?

In five years, will we all be setting around the radio again? I think that would be great, but doubt it happens.

How much longer before we have telepathy?  If you think spam is a problem now, wait until we have banner ads, virus, spam and hacking on our own brainwaves.

Thanks for your time

--Mark Burkenbine

Dear Diary

Dear Diary.  It has been  seventy days since THE BLOG has begun.   The ravages of social media and the mindless  ‘promoting’ is taking its toll.   What began with big dreams has begun to feel like a  habit being pushed on by hours and hours of mindless –Inspiration.  All of those historical quotes  and spam have made me believe that ANYTHING could happen. It just could.  I have read about this phenomena and have a theory.  

In every  zombie and mummy movie the monsters make a grunting noise.  Their jaws and tongues don’t articulate it well , but after much research I have it figured out.  

“UGHLINDIDSNKargh.  “  If you record that noise and play it back slowly, every  one of these monsters is saying the same thing.   

It’s  monster speak for  “ I think I can.”

It is all so clear to me  now.  We are in the mindless Zombie  war right now, and have been for awhile. 

All Business is ruined forever due to cheap and free information on the internet.  Do it yourself anything can be attempted  by absolutely anyone.  Do it yourself is not just for the smart and capable anymore. Anyone can find info to build weapons, do surgeries, make your own beer, diagnose yourself,

Crazy stunt videos are rampant on various social media sites. I have seen kids jumping over moving cars. People are eating things that could kill them.  Self inflicting pain  for the hopes of an audience. ( kind of like blogging).  All on video in the hopes that so many people will watch , they can get paid and become their own advertising vehicle. 

Everyone inspired by inspirational quotes to do things they have no idea how to do properly. “You can do it”…..”Your God says you can”…..”this famous person says to reach higher”….”this famous person says smile at what you have”…” If you think it, you can do it” “ no pain no gain”.

It is all driven by  sales and marketing campaigns of one sort or another.  The self help and do -it -yourself  sales force is relentless.  Every business is trying to use everybody on social media as an unpaid sales force.  Click , like , share and spam this , that and the other.

Hell, it has even created a field of business for Social Media Coaches.   COACHES.   People to help you get your message in just the right places at just the right times to increase exposure to your own personal brand.  You still probably won’t make a dime doing this, but what you have really done is made yourself a better free salesman of your personal brand. Great Personal Branding means you are a good place for the content host to put their advertisers.   It is a good deal for someone.  Gaming the system always is.

For every person out there who thinks he can, there is someone benefitting greatly from  being able to make you think that.   Sales and marketing really do run that deep into our lives.

No self help book will every tell you anything that  your mom, dad, siblings or friends did not already tell you.  Find a friend to help, don’t buy a book.  The needed advice that matters is always free or you always  already know what you should do.

Learn everything you can about the field you want to get into. It is your only percentage play.  Process beats dreams almost every time.  Luck is what it is. 

Just don’t come down with a case of the   ithinkicandothis.   By the time it  becomes  “UGHLINDIDSNKargh, it is to late and you are eating brains.

What you are looking for is a case of  “ I know how to do this”.

Thank you for your time

Mark Burkenbine

This being said....I love the chaos of it all.  This chaotic fight for sales and advertising spaces will always happen when customers congregate, where ever that may be. Business has to be where the money is. That is the ONLY business rule.

Social Media Lesson #1